Openness and vulnerability are so attractive to me, and it enhances the intimacy in my relationship.
When it comes to awkward conversations with the new guy you're dating, the STD/birth control chat takes the cake. It's the necessary talk that neither of you want to have, not to mention, there's that whole timing issue. You don't want to get into it right off the bat (although Milton, 35, disagrees) and there's no quicker way to kill the mood than to bring it up while things are getting hot and heavy.
To help us navigate this tricky talk, we asked 7 guys to dish on when and how to bring things up with your new boo—because, well, they would know! Read on to see what they had to say about the do's and don'ts of having "the talk."
1. When You're Ready
"When a woman decides she's ready to sleep with someone, this conversation needs to happen, which you probably know on or after the first date. Bring this up when you know you want to have sex with him...but not on the same day your planning on breaking out the 'fuck me' pumps, please." -Joe, 27
2. When You're NOT Going At It
"Most guys don't mind having the STD/birth control conversation, but just not while we're making out, taking off clothes, or right before penetration. Make sure to initiate the conversation in a comfortable space and please, please don't lead with 'we need to talk.' Create a casual air to the conversation and accentuate the positive. This should be an exchange of ideas around sexual health and birth control practices ending with some agreed upon action, Ex: Who is going to buy the birth control when the old lady is working the register at the local pharmacy?" -Brian
3. When You're Exclusive
"My now girlfriend and I talked about this a month and a half in, once we were kind of 'official.' We found a pill that worked for her without any negative side effects to mood, sex drive, etc. It went really smooth, and didn't kill the mood at all." - Rob, 26
4. On The First Date
"I like when women bring it up on first date, right off the bat. I find myself more attracted to women who are straightforward about anything and everything. A few years back, after getting a full blood test, I place the results in my wallet and did a little social experiment, which worked out great for me. On first dates I would tell them, I want to get this out of the way, saying that I take pride in my health and I expect the same from the women I date. Then I would proceed to pull out the blood results from my wallet. Some of them laughed, but most of them respected me for it, even though they might have thought it was kind of odd at first. It also made a great conversation topic, which led to protection and birth control." -Milton, 35
5. Do It As Soon As Possible
"Masculine energy is direct and to the point. Assuming you're a feminine woman at your core dating a masculine man at his core...just be real, open and honest. Openness and vulnerability are so attractive to me, and it enhances the intimacy in my relationship. If you know you're going to be sleeping with the guy more regularly, I'd bring it up soon." -Adam
6. After You've Done It A Few Times (With Protection)
"Women should bring up the birth control/STD talk after we've slept together a few times, with protection obviously. If both people have a good feel for one another and see the relationship actually going somewhere, then birth control and getting tested together should be discussed, even if she's already on birth control. There's nothing attractive about a women that stops you from putting on a condom the very first time you sleep with her and says, 'Oh you don't need that, I'm on the pill.' Because you know you're not the first guy she's pulled that with, and you won't be the last to need a shot of penicillin after laying with her." -Alex, 26
7. After A Month
"This talk has to happen before the first time you're intimate. God forbid you wake up the next day and boom, you have herpes, the gift that keeps on giving. I've had that talk come up in the heat of the moment, when things are about to happen, and it's no good. Ask before, ideally in a more stable situation. I'd say a month in is a good time for this to happen, when the tide might be changing to exclusivity and when habits start forming. If you're with someone for a month, a lot of things begin to reveal themselves, and the STD/and birth control situation should be one of them. It's a necessary component." -Rick, 25