We've all met these people...
By Courtney Conover.
As a general rule, I don't like to write about negative things.
But sometimes rules were made to be broken. Everyone knows at least one of these people, yet no one likes any of them.
1. The ones who play the martyr.
"Oh, don't mind me, I'm only dying over here ... but I'll be okay," say these people ... about a paper cut.
2. The ones who feel they've cornered the market on pain and suffering.
Like the martyrs, but meaner. You're sick as a dog and would love nothing more than to dive under the covers and remain there, but Thing One's diapers aren't gonna change themselves and Thing Two wants a grilled cheese and some goldfish crackers. These people call in the midst of all this, ask how you're feeling, and when you share, get pissed off at you because they're the ones who are supposed to always have it worse. And they've got no problem reminding you of it.
3. The ones who revel in being an inconsiderate shopper.
You're fifth in line at Walmart, and from the looks of things, you'll be stuck there until 2047.
And your kids are getting antsy, and you have to go to the bathroom, and your cell phone battery is running low. Oh, and Thing Two's Nabi Jr. just ran out of juice.
It's basically the makings of a perfect storm, and then the guy behind you—the one with a lone bottle of mouthwash—asks if he can take cut. Like, really, pal?
4. The ones who think it's always about them.
These are also the people who go on to e-mail you unsolicited school portraits of their children—even after they've posted them to Facebook. And Instagram.
5. The ones who believe life—and everything in it—is a competition.
These people somehow think they've arrived because they have more Facebook friends than you or lost their baby weight faster than you, and they'll conveniently remind you that they've sprouted nary a gray hair just when you've plucked a box of Nice 'n Easy off the shelf at CVS.
6. The ones who like to rain on your proverbial parade.
So you casually mention to these people that you've spent the afternoon baking your son's favorite chocolate chip cookies. Their reply? "I hate chocolate chip cookies."
Or you tell them you've found the Audrey Hepburn box set on sale for a steal. Their comeback? "Ugh. Her movies suck." These kinds of people reek of a particular fragrance called Eau de Killjoy.
7. The ones who delight in Internet bullying.
We all know these people. Actually, we really don't, because they prefer to use an alias when they cruise from site to site, leaving a bevy of distasteful comments in their wake.
These people are also known for writing with conviction about what they claim to know so much about. But here's what they definitely don't know: how to conjugate verbs, and how to use spellcheck.
8. The ones who think the rules don't apply to them.
These are the people who should be stripped of their driver's license. I'll just leave it at that.
9. The ones who judge everyone—and everything—like it's their job.
These people live to remind you that everything you do in life is wrong, but they've somehow managed to do everything right. Yeah, okay. (Insert eye roll here.)
10. The ones who pretend to care about you.
These people will vow to help you in any way they can. And as soon as you turn your back, they'll help you, all right. Help you right off a cliff.
And here's a bonus:
Bonus: The ones who are only happy for you if ...
... they can have exactly what you have. Or better.
This article was originally published at BlogHer. Reprinted with permission from the author.