Guys, girlfriend ≠ bro.
I've been reading a book called Gone Girl for the past week and just finished it yesterday. One of the things I see repeatedly in the chapters is the phrase, "the cool girl" (e.g. "He wanted me to be the cool girl" or "She's the cool girl type").
This term stems from the concept that a girl, if she's cool, will bring home the beer, not care if you fart, and be chill about you canceling plans last second or not being able to hang after saying he could because he'd rather go out with the guys. She will also want sex whenever you want it, just as badly as you want it, and will probably drive a truck. She won't take offense to the insulting phrases you use like, "Just be cool about it!" that imply that you can't have an opinion if it varies from his. The cool girl always watches his football games with you, never calls more than you like, and never texts you when you're "with the guys."
Can I just talk about myself for a minute? Admittedly, I've been through a number of failed relationships. Haven't most girls in 2014? I've made a lot of mistakes and have done more than one thing that probably ruined said relationships. However, my partners all have one thing in common at one point or another and that’s telling me I was being "unreasonable."
To be clear, I am not your bro; I am your girlfriend. There is a difference. Were we pals, the cards would look a little less committal and I would be less inclined to get upset over things, big or little. Let me just write up a handy little guide for all you guys out there:
A bro is cool if you cancel on going over to his house to eat at the last minute.
I am not your bro. If we've agreed that I will make us dinner, odds are that in the minutes leading up to your arrival, everything is ready and much time has been put into making that casserole. Or heating up that pizza. The principle remains: I expect respect. (Obviously emergencies are exempt.)
A bro doesn't mind if you left your wallet at home and can't pay. Six times in a row.
I am not your bro. I do not enjoy supporting my boyfriend or significant other fiscally. I know we're friends and friends help each other out, but a relationship requires a teeny, tiny bit of maturity, and that includes maturity in finances. I also don't expect for you to pay for me.
A bro doesn't care if you forget to call him... for several days.
No. Just... no. I am SO not your bro. If you're forgetting about me for several days, we have a problem that's bigger than your memory.
A bro doesn't care if you watch porn.
I am not your bro. If you need more than my body, then you can go out and find it, but you can't have me while you do it. No apologies here. I like myself, and I have enough respect for my body to have standards and to insist that I deserve the same from you.
This article was originally published at BlogHer. Reprinted with permission from the author.