Forget Winning A Fight & 9 Other Truths About Dating A Lawyer

Love, Self

You will actually know what's going on when watching Law and Order.

I know full well the pros and cons of dating a lawyer even though I've never personally dated one. Why? Because, my friends, I'm a lawyer.

I'd love to tell you that dating a lawyer is no different than dating someone from another profession but that would be a lie. And I wouldn't lie about that. Would I lie about the weight listed on my driver's license? Yes. But about dating a lawyer? Never.

The strange thing about dating a lawyer is there's not just one strange thing. There are many strange things. Lawyers are creatures who think differently; we have what my husband call san infuriating ability to be objective. We are stubborn and argumentative but we're also accepting and look at things from many different perspectives. Personally, I think dating a lawyer would be wonderful for those reasons alone, but I realize there are others who may disagree.

For that reason, I bring you the pros and cons of dating a lawyer. (You can decide for yourself if it's worth it.)

The pros:

1. You attend lots of fancy parties.
Grab your dancing shoes because lawyers throw some fancy parties. Whether it's a holiday party (with an open bar) or a summer bash (with an open bar) you're going to have a great time. You just might not remember it.

2. You will actually know what's going on when watching Law and Order.
With the plot twists and the ever-changing cameos of B-list actors, it's hard enough to keep the basics straight on that show. Throw in the legal jargon and it's enough to make any viewer legally insane. Fortunately, a benefit to dating a lawyer is s/he can explain what's really going on with Jack McCoy and that somewhat famous guest star. (Hint: The celebrity always did it. Always.)

3. Tickets? Not for you!
If you ask me, this is probably the greatest perk of dating an attorney. He can take care of your parking tickets, speeding tickets, and pretty much any other ticket you get. So speed away my friends. You're covered.

4. You will never pay full price for anything.
Lawyers are the best at negotiating. The benefit? You're probably going to get that lukewarm appetizer for free, and you're definitely not paying full price for your spa treatment. That new car you want? You'll get a great deal on it because your loved one can negotiate like a BOSS.

5. People think you're a big deal for snagging a lawyer. Really.
I have no idea why this is true but I've found it to be the case. Maybe it's because TV shows make it look like lawyers do super-important, fancy things every day instead of what we really do. Then again, no one would watch a drama about a coffee spill on settlement documents or a late court reporter. But don't give away our secrets: lawyers aren't nearly as cool as they are on TV.

The Cons:

1. The student loan debt is unbelievable.
Seriously. You won't believe how much debt the typical lawyer has simply because he/she decided to go to law school. Prepare yourself to live in a studio apartment for a few years eating frozen dinners, all the while paying the equivalent of a mortgage on a lovely house in Malibu.

2. It can be lonely.
You'll certainly be stuck at home alone sometimes because your partner is working late at the office. At least you'll have Law and Order to comfort you and fortunately, you'll understand it (see #2).

3. You will never win an argument. Ever.
This is 100% true. Lawyers don't concede a loss. This is not up for debate. It's a fact.

4. The dry cleaning bill will make you weep.
With all those suits comes massive dry cleaning bills. Sure, you'll scour for coupons, but the weekly bill will be astounding still. Here's to hoping your lawyer-love doesn't spill coffee on himself/herself as much as I do.

5. Board games are no longer fun.
Love playing Pictionary with your friends? Well, you'll have to learn to love playing when your partner isn't around because enjoyable game nights with him/her are out of the question. Lawyers take winning seriously, and even if it's a simple debate over who yelled the answer first, we will defend our glory wholeheartedly. My recommendation? Learn to play Solitaire.

Are the rewards worth all the trouble?

The jury is still out…


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