Gentlemen, did you get the lady in your life lingerie for Valentine's Day? Or maybe you wouldn't dare get her lingerie, but you really, really, wish and pray, every day of your life, that she would, FINALLY, rock some lingerie? Are you that guy? ARE YOU?
Women have very different opinions on lingerie, and there doesn't seem to be a middle of the road when it comes to it. We asked a group of women about their feelings on lingerie, and in addition to some very varied thoughts, we also learned about spider underwear. To make sense of this, we're going to line up the dialogue as it went down on Facebook.
The conversation started out normal, with Danielle voicing her avoidance for lingerie.
Danielle, 36: "I avoid it all together. In my opinion, a comfy pair of pj pants and a fitted tank are just as sexy. Especially this time of year when I am especially white and holding onto those 5 'winter pounds'. No one wants or needs to see that sh*t."
Then Jennifer, who was all about it, said she’d love to get it as a gift.
Jennifer, 27: "Love it. Passionately. All of it. Garters, nightgowns, really pretty lacy bras, the whole bit. And I'd be delighted if my partner got it for me, just because nice stuff can be a bit pricey, and it'd be a lovely gift."
Next up, Jen (not to be confused with Jennifer), pointed out an obvious fact about men of younger generations.
Jen, 33: "I would wear some if I were trying to seduce a man over 50. Which I am never trying to do. Lingerie either reads as the "sexy" of the '80s, which just reminds me of my parents' generation, or else there's the Dita Von Teese retro kind, which reads as stuff girls like that men find annoying. Like the Pinterest of underwear. Men of my generation and younger seem to universally prefer yoga pants."
Then came spider panties…
Jennifer: "I think men will respond positively to anything you are wearing when you are undressing in front of them. Tank tops? Boy shorts? Full-scale lingerie? Unless your cool sexy time underwear is made entirely out of spiders, they're not going to say, ‘I do not care for this.’ I will say that when I take off my dress to reveal a proper lingerie set, men, who, might have until the moment seemed quite reserved, suddenly want to have sex the way I suspect they imagine James Bond has sex. Sweeping papers off desks and so forth. Then they realize they have no idea how to undo garter belts and they get this sad little concerned look on their faces. Lingerie! Do it for the lulz! And if your thing is adorning your entire body with live spiders, I am not judging that, either."
Sabrina, 28: "I will forever want underwear made of spiders, now. Or even just spider webs, which in a way, I think would be extra creepy. Perhaps I could somehow weave spider web underwear out of my vagina, like that woman who knits out of her vagina. I feel I am onto something here, my creative juices are flowing (double entendre, grossly). I just realized my Tuesday got really weird all of a sudden."
But Colleen brought things back around to the topic at hand.
Colleen, 30: "I would never want someone to pick it out for me because there's no way they'll know what size. But, having been a drag singer and now a burlesque student, I kind of love ALL of it. The more vintage the better."
Jamie, a writer from Brooklyn, naturally went back to the spider panties.
Jamie, 28: "My boyfriend never even notices my spider panties, but I still hope he will buy me more someday."
Then Elizabeth, a writer from Germany, brought the focus home again.
Elizabeth, 27: "I love it in theory, but I have a lot of really nice stuff I have never worn. Either it's too fragile to deal with my regular life, like the lovely vintage things that would be ruined forever if/when I spill food on them, or it looks less good under clothes than the non-fancy stuff. My partner could not be less interested in it."
But Jen wasn’t done responding to Jennifer.
Jen: "Jennifer, I have not found this to be true. Are there really modern New York men who are like, 'OMG, it is so amazing that there is a woman taking off her clothes?' Sex is easy to get. At least for men I imagine you or I would be interested in? Am I missing something?
I've found that stuff like, 'It doesn't matter what [shape/size] your [female body part(s)] is/are — guys are just so happy to see a naked woman that they don't care!’ seems to be something women tell each other because we want it to be true. But now I want to see Jennifer in her lingerie, and then totally f*ck up her desk in a fit of lesbian hulk-lust."
As it usually goes with these weekly crowdsourcing pieces, the ladies are once again divided on the topic. But, men of the world, do you agree that you really don't care about lingerie if you're going to get laid anyway?