The Fantasy Of Sex … Versus The Reality

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couple
Let's get real, shall we?

Okay, since I seem to be on a mission to take all the fun out of sex, let's continue our discussion by examining the fantasy of sex versus the reality, scientific-like. Let's really look at the things we have a habit of passing over in our quest to get it on and have a memorable experience (i.e. the things we tend to romanticize and forget).

1. Fumbling. Nothing is ever as perfect as a carefully choreographed scene from a film or porno. In the beginning of a new sexual relationship, there is a plethora of awkward touches and things that can go wrong.

2. Inflexibility. Unless you just came from a workout, it's not a bad idea to stretch at least a little before sex, to loosen up. It's not sexy, but it does get the job done. Personally, I have a bad back (at 24. How sad is that?) and can't just be thrown down, hot though it may be.

3. Morning breath. Movies never get this one right. Realistically the morning after sex, most people would prefer to say "Honey, I love you, but please pop a Tic-Tac." Thankfully, most of us are also so pleased to wake up next to a naked person that morning breath can often go out the window. So, you know, yay for hormones!

4. Sexting. There are so many things that can go wrong here! Accidentally texting your boss (or, horror of horrors, your mom), sending an unsolicited dick pic, talking about anything too kinky too soon. And if you're anything like me, their poor grammar will take all the fun out of it and leave you in a place of sexual negation.

5. One night stands. Don't fool yourselves into thinking these will magically morph into a sweeping romance once the sun comes up. They are called one night stands for a reason. And let's be frank; if he or she isn't out the door by the time you wake up, don't you kinda want to move that show along?

6. Freaky positions. Hot as moves like The Frog or The Little Dipper are, they take a lot of athleticism that most of us just don't have. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't try! Just be prepared to have to switch it up should you tire out.

7. Orgasm face. Doubtless you, like the rest of us, think you look stunning during an orgasm. The truth is that the vast majority of us do not look like something out of a sexy historical romance film. We scrunch, we shake, our eyes pop open or roll back Exorcist-style. It's awesome in the moment, but also pretty freakin' hilarious. Thank goodness there's someone with you making the same face!

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