Are you having enough sex? Do you still have chemistry? Technology to the rescue.
You know what? There's an app for that. Why? Because there's an app for everything. Exactly how did we survive and know how to function as human beings without apps having our back? I don't know; seems like a real live mystery, and one not even worth contemplating, because there's probably an app for that, too.
In a move that is liable to put couples' therapists out of business, there are now apps, and lots of them, that can evaluate your relationship. No more need to wonder what he actually means when he speaks, because with a few clicks and prying on the part of your smartphone, and everything is once again swimming swimmingly down the canal of love. And because apps are sometimes just not enough for some people, you also have the option of picking up a do-it-at-home relationship compatibility kit that can really delve deep into the complexities and intricacies of your relationship in a matter of minutes. Isn't technology grand?
If trying to figure out the quality and fate of your relationship with the input of a couples' therapists isn't your thing and you'd rather rely on your phone like a normal person, then here are some kits and apps you may want to consider.
If you're the type of person who needs to track just how often, how long, and how loud your sex sessions are, then you really want to download Spreadsheets now. As the creators explain, the app works by monitoring data from users' "movement and audio levels through the accelerometer and microphone to provide statistical and visual analysis of their performance in bed." It also tracks those sexual engagements right down to the very date and time. With this app in your pocket, you’ll always know exactly how sexual your relationship is, and what might need some work.
2. Appy Couple
Get it? It's like "happy," but "appy!" This gem is exactly what every soon-to-be-married couple wants. Marketed as a relationship "tool," Appy Couple is meant to not only allow the engaged couple to share details and concerns about their big day and cutesy little anecdotes to keep their love alive and pumping with each other, but if any wedding guest wants to get their voyeurism on, then they can download the app, too! You know, because looking at photos of other people's trips wasn't boring enough, now you can bear witness to this monstrosity, as well.
3. One Love MyPlan
This one, unlike so many of the crazy apps out there, can be really useful. Although the creators of the One Love MyPlan app admit that all relationships have their ups and downs, this particular free app "determines if a relationship is unsafe and helps to create the best action plan by weighing an individual's unique characteristics and values. In partnership with LoveisRespect.org, the app provides access to trained advocate support 24/7 through an embedded live chat function." With violence against women and domestic abuse being all too common, having this anonymous app that offers support and help to those who fear for their safety is a must.
4. Fix a Fight
Like I said, we’re trying to rid the world of couples’ therapists, so the Fix a Fight app is the one to turn to when you turn on each other. If you don’t do so well with kissing and making up, then let Fix a Fight step in, assess the situation, then get you back on track through discussion of your feelings and emotions, ways to solve the disagreement, then lastly, a relaxation exercise that will help each partner breathe deeply, and get back to happy.
For those who find Spreadsheets interesting, then you may want to look into Kindu, too. With over 600 examples of turn-ons, fantasies, and sex time activities, Kindu allows partners to discreetly talk about their fantasies and figure out if they’re on the same page or not, but, you know, without talking about it at all. Because what’s the sense of communication when you have an app that can take the fantasies of both you and your partner and see if they’re a match, or if one of you needs to hold up on the kinky factor? Let just get to a point where we never talk to each other again!
Sounds a little frigid for an app that's meant to keep emotions cozy and healthy, but Theicebreak app is a fun way to help couples know each other even more through quirky quizzes and daily input you provide for each other. The app also provides "health checks in 7 key areas" to make sure you’re on the right track. No telling what happens if you fail those 7 key areas, but I'm sure there's an app for that one, too.
7. Instant Chemistry's Compatibility Kit
This kit is just what you need if you're having second thoughts about your relationship. Through two biological tests, one that measures the current satisfaction with the relationship, and the other examining the long-term chemistry, it's easy to figure out whether or not you and your partner are in it to win, or just waiting for something better. Biology doesn't lie.
Based on 20 years of studying the genetic makeup that complements another person, Dr. Sara Seabrooke, chief science officer of Instant Chemistry, explains how it works: "Through intensive research scientists have found that long-term relationship satisfaction stems from two constants — your DNA and core personality — and how those match up with your partners. The science behind Instant Chemistry's kits is based on this research. By combining biological and psychological tests, we can determine how compatible you are with your partner, and provide ways to offset incompatibilities, for example changing a small habit."
And like that, you just know!