No matter what your age, with the divorce rate being an estimated 40 percent to 50 percent here in the United States, you will probably, at some point in your life, meet a person who has been married before.
While reasons for divorce run the gamut (too young, religious differences, money woes, education, fertility issues, etc.), it’s never pretty, usually messy, and is a cross that the divorced person have to bear. But just because someone messed up, should those who haven’t been married not even bother with them? Should we let them alone with their scarlet letter, to cohort with their own "kind?"
We asked a few women their thoughts on divorced men. Although the rates for divorce get even higher the second time around (60 percent!), does this scare women away from the potential of love? Or, like Patti Stanger always says, is there something appealing about someone who's already been down that road?
No judgments here.
"I would never judge against someone for having been married, unless it was like a bunch of times. Hey it proves they can make a commitment, and we have all been in relationships before, no?" asks Jen, 39.
"I was divorced before I met my husband. I am in no position to judge based on someone's previous relationships," says Colleen, 30.
"No judgments here about lessons being learned. Having 3 kids, I'm more likely to consider someone who's been divorced more seriously for a long term relationship since they've been to the dog and pony show and are more likely to understand my responsibilities and priorities related to children and family. 35+ year old bachelors make me think they may always be looking to play," says Jen T., 35.
They've lived, learned, loved and are trained.
"Totally worth it. Not just because they have learned from mistakes, but it might just have been a bad combination or grew apart," Mieko, 33.
"I like my men trained. So, why not let someone else do the dirty work?" asks Nicole, 31.
It's more about the person than the background.
"Are they really awesome? I feel like if you're really great it's fine," says Autumn, 25.
"Whatever. As long as they're not currently married. I don't care if they're separated or going through a divorce or whatever--until those papers are signed and you are no longer officially married, I still consider you OFF the market," says Sarah, 27.
But there's still that baggage to consider.
I’d be hesitant until I learned more about his ex-wife. If the circumstances for the divorce were due to him cheating or something, I’d probably pass. I’d also pass if, even if he didn’t cheat, he has a one of those crazy exes. I don’t have time for someone else’s drama,” Mandy, 26.
"I know plenty of folks that got married young, realized their mistake, and are now divorced. I would never hold it against someone, unless they seem to carry undue baggage from that relationship that doesn't appear to be going away… but that can be true of anyone, regardless of whether or not they were married," says Becky, 29.
Two cents from a woman who has been a second ex-wife.
"I think it matters less later in life. I was a bit shocked at 20 to find out [my ex] had been married before (he was 28), but now that 13 years later I've become his second ex-wife, I find it less significant. I find myself, depending on the moment, being brash about mentioning my divorce or hiding it. I tend to hide it from younger men who flirt with me. I tend to be brash if I want to throw someone off their game," says Annaliese, 33.
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