5 Subtle (But Huge!) Lies Some Gay Men Tell On First Dates
First dates are a breeding ground for lies and deception.
getty It's a busy Friday night at one your favorite restaurants in the city and you could not be more nervous. The guy that you have been "phone dating" all week has finally made plans to meet you. Now, between the gym and the new outfit, you are ready for this guy to sweep you off your feet on your first date.
This is going to be the most amazing night. And it almost is... until he arrives. (Insert record scratch here.) The guy is nothing like his picture. Immediately, your dreams of a small wedding in Napa Valley with your 50 closest family and friends have been crushed.
The truth is, for many people, first dates are a breeding ground for lies and deception. And with gay dating, in particular, the lies range from the classic white lie of "skimming a few years off their real age" to "living with their ex-boyfriend."
So, in order to help you avoid these fishy men, be aware of these lies that some gay men will tell on the first date.
1. He stretches the truth about his relationship status.
Somewhere between "single" and "in a relationship" lies a funny little term called "it's complicated." I used to think this was just a thing some guys said to hide the fact that they were a virgin, but now, it's a big fat red flag.
When this particular gay man says, "It's complicated," you better pump the breaks on your wedding planning and do your research. This man is lying to you about something — and trust me, I have heard it all.
Here are two of my favorites:
- "We are separated." While this form of honesty is great, most of the time what he's really trying to say is they're on a trial separation — and you may be bait to make the ex jealous. You are not a sample at the food court my friend; you're a steak dinner. Don't fall for this.
- "He's my best friend." I completely believe that one can have a good relationship with another guy or even an ex, but one must draw the line when Instagram pictures speak louder than words. Dead giveaways are when said best friend sits a little too close, kisses a little too much and hashtags #LoveHim in every photo. Chances are they slept together or have a past relationship.
2. He claims he's "athletic" or "in shape."
This is one of my favorite lies — the weight lie! Now, let's be clear: this is not about being shallow. What this is about is honesty.
Some gay men tend to take liberty in redefining what "athletic" and "in shape" means. When I say athletic, I think of someone who plays sports. But what usually shows up is someone who played football in high school and is looking to make sweatpants an acceptable form of dinner attire. This doesn't count, guys.
The same goes for someone who says they are "in shape." That doesn't mean you only drink beer and occasionally order a low-carb burger; this means that you actually go to the gym and are in good physical shape. Don't fall for this lie; make sure to clarify his gym routine.
3. He tells you he wants a serious relationship.
One of my favorite lies that some gay men tell is that they are ready for a serious relationship. Sure, everything he's been telling you sounds amazing, but chances are it's all fluff.
These guys are expert interviewers. Don't fall for the amazing cologne and deep blue eyes. Put this guy through at least three dates to see if he's serious or if he only wants to hook up. Some guys love to feed you the shtick: to give you their stick and then never call again.
4. He says he's "ready to date."
Sometimes a guy says he's ready, but his track record says otherwise. Sure, we should all give a guy a chance, but you're not a relationship teacher; you're a lover.
Don't get caught up in his web of excuses — you're either ready to settle down or you're not. Save your time and energy for someone seriously looking for commitment and not spring fling.
5. He flat-out tells you, "I'm not bitter about love, I'm just a realist."
If I never meet this type of guy again, I would be a happy person. But alas, this is the worst kind of dater. They spend a good amount of time convincing everyone around them that they're not jaded or bitter about finding love — but they are.
Sadly, it takes over his life. He'll try telling you he's just "being real," but this, my friends, is a lie. Nothing you can do will "save" his point of view, except maybe a therapist, and you're likely not that.
This kind of dater needs to learn to love himself first before he can love another. Bitter Betty will only suck the life and happiness out of you. I always say that if you have to do any remodeling in a relationship, it should only be his wardrobe. More than that and it's not worth it.
So there you have it, guys. It's all about not falling for the sweet sugar coating. Dating is a serious adventure, so don't be afraid to ask the big, bold questions. It weeds out the players from the husbands.
David Cruz is the founder of Finding Cupid, an online magazine dedicated to "Reminding People How to Love Again."