Admit it, you scroll through text messages on your phone that you strategically placed on your chair or lap or while you pretend to look for something in your handbag. You think your date doesn’t notice what you’re doing because there isn’t a break in the conversation. With these moments of distraction, you don’t realize that you’re confusing iContact for eye contact, which is killing your love life.
Look, I get it. You’re important to yourself. Fantastic. You constantly check your texts to keep in touch with your friends and colleagues and to stay in the know. Unless you show your date that they’re important too then they only thing you’ll be touching is yourself.
I’m in the people reading business. I see the fleeting nonverbal messages that pass between people’s bodies. Hey, I’m talking about outside the bedroom. When it comes to love, what your body language says can be more important than the words you speak. The eyes convey interest, emotion, passion, playfulness and desire that help you figure out a possible love connection.
According to a published study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, having a mobile phone in plain view interrupts intimacy between two people who are trying to make a personal connection. Just seeing a mobile phone that’s within reach can zap the romance. This finding makes sense. Think about important conversations that you’ve had with others either on the phone or in person. You find a quiet place with limited distractions so you can focus on your conversation and have privacy. Mobile phones scream distraction with its barrage of pings of texts, emails and social media notifications. No wonder the mere presence of a mobile phone can fizzle your connection.
When making an emotional connection, you can’t afford to miss nonverbal signs of ambiguity. Looking into your date’s eyes allow you to determine if their eyes tell a different story then their words. Are their eyes darting around the room at every distraction? Are they subconsciously rolling their eyes when you laugh? Do they look away from you when share a different point of view? Do their eyes linger on yours when you pull away from a kiss? This attention to detail will help you better gauge your date’s feelings and level of connectedness to you.
While you may not realize that you’re giving your phone more attention than your date, you’re responsible for the subtle nonverbal messages you’re sending. Since your date can’t read your mind, they gauge your interest on their perceptions of your nonverbal messages. Making eye contact on a date can ignite the spark indicating there’s more to explore. Consider this: emotional connection happens when you look into your date’s eyes for at least 60 to 70% of the conversation (Quantified Impressions). So put your mobile phone out of sight to amp up the romance.