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We asked guys to share the good, the bad and the weird things they want you to know about texting.
By Kylie M. — Written on Feb 04, 2022
According to the infamous annual Single In America survey conducted annually by the folks at online dating site Match, men and women may have found some common ground when it comes to the fine art of flirting over text.
"Both single women (54%) and men (36%) find misspellings and incorrect grammar to be the biggest text message turn-offs," the study reveals.
And when it comes to sending flirty texts, less is definitely more.
"Women don’t want to receive sexts from men; men don’t want to receive texts during work; and singles don’t want to receive a second text until after they have already responded to the first."
What do guys really think about having full-on conversations over text?
Is bearing your virtual soul through the tips of your fingers a great way to get a guy to like you, or are your lengthy messages a burden most guys are not particularly excited to bear?
We asked some of the men in our lives to spill the tea and offer their opinions on what they love, hate and really don't understand when it comes to texting with women.
Here are 6 tips for women on how to text a guy in order to make him want you, based on guys' perspectives.
1. "Please, for the love of god, stop with the emojis."
Guys might be visual, but that doesn't mean they want to stare at text after text of baby penguins and bears.
Sirius, 28, revealed that when it comes to text etiquette, he can’t stand a girl that’s too expressive. "Too many emojis just kill a conversation — and definitely my interest," he says. "It's hard enough trying to interpret what a girl is saying — let alone when she's using pigs and cacti and pink high heels in a message to me. Like, what does that mean?"
Though Joe, 31, agrees with the unwritten emoji limit, he says that it's more the waiting game that really turns him off.
"When a girl takes forever to respond to a text it makes it really complicated to tell if she's into me or just trying to be nice by responding — or if she's playing hard to get."
He adds, "Sometimes, I've honestly thought that maybe a girl already had a boyfriend because it took her hours to respond to the messages I was sending her. I kept picturing her running into a bathroom to hide and check her phone."
And since catfish are everywhere, Joe's hesitations make sense — and they're probably more common than he (or anyone) expects.
2. "Stop driving us crazy by asking so. many. questions."
For Ryan, 27, texts are not the place for playing a game of 21 Questions. "For starters, this isn’t an interrogation. It's texting. I'm not sure what I’m doing later — or what I'm doing on Sunday morning for brunch. Or hell, if I plan on taking any summer trips. I'll know when I get there."
Forrest, 25, agrees. "I hate the texts where a girl is like 'Hey, what are you doing?' One minute goes by … 'Are you busy? Should I text you back later? Maybe you can just call me when you're free? I'm heading to the East Village, any chance you want to meet up?' It's like, whoa, calm down, I haven’t even had a chance to respond yet."
3. "Make sure you know who you're texting."
Pet peeves guys can live with — like too many smiley faces or even the occasional run-on text. But these things, they said, they weren't willing to compromise on.
Tommy, 29, revealed that a girl he was seeing once sent a text to him intended for another guy. "If she sent me a text she meant to send another guy, I'm just not interested in you anymore," he says.
"I understand people make mistakes — and yeah, it's happened to me before so I'm a little jaded but like, you see my name right there in the message. You should know the person you're responding to. At least have enough respect for that."
4. "Don't overuse your slang, k?"
Ben, 26, totes has no room in his vocab or his life for abbrevs. "The following words: whatevs, totes, lmfao, etc. I just can’t handle it. Spell it out. Chances are you have an iPhone and once you start typing the word it will finish it for you."
In a similar vein, Josiah, 31 says, "It's a big turn-off when a girl tries to be more street or thug than she really is."
5. "Stick to the two to four text rule before we respond."
No matter what you think, there are rules when it comes to texting. And guys weren’t afraid to spell ‘em out for us.
"Without responding? I would definitely say my limit is like four or five texts," Rich, 33, says. "I don't know what you're saying, but I'm pretty sure 99 percent of the time you can wait for my response."
For Chris, 29, the rule is similar, but simpler: do unto others as you'd want done to you. He says, "Personally, I never send four texts in a row. It's just not what I want to do. And I think I'd be really annoyed if someone sent me that many texts without giving me the opportunity to respond first."
Evan, 24, says that the limit is lucky number three. "No more than three. Here's the thing: If I'm not answering the first text, take that as a hint. There's nothing so important that you need to keep messaging me without waiting for an answer."
6. "Understand that we're freaking nervous too!"
Surprise! Guys are a lot like girls. They're nervous, they over-analyze and they definitely ask their friends if they should respond right away — or make you sweat it out a bit.
"I don't like to say much in text messages," Phil, 28 says. "I usually say one or two-word responses … just enough to keep them interested without giving away too much. I'll admit it, I want to come off as mysterious. It sounds so cheesy saying it out loud though. Ha!"
"I think texting is a great way to get to know a girl before asking her on a date," Alex, 26 says. "Texting is casual; an easy way to get to know someone and I feel like I get to be honest about the things I'm interested in. I'm more likely to share things about myself and ask more personal questions in a text. I'm shy, so being able to hide behind the phone a little bit helps me. Girls forget that guys get nervous too."
"I don't really text girls until I'm out. I'm just not good on my phone during the day and the liquid courage of a drink or two definitely makes it easier to send the first text to a girl I've been talking to. Plus, I'm not ready for a big commitment and I don't want to give off the wrong message by texting a girl all day long. By the end of the day, she'd want something more than I was ready for," says Adam, 26.
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Kylie M. is a freelance writer and frequent contributor to YourTango.