Brutal Truths About Hooking Up With Your Ex

Sleeping with an ex is never a good idea.

By Amanda Chatel — Last updated on Nov 11, 2023

Photo: Kaspars Grinvalds | Canva / rilueda | Getty Images

Oh, why oh why, do we fall into the trap of sleeping with our exes? Even when we know it's not a halfway decent idea, it doesn't stop so many of us from doing it. We've all slept with an ex at some point, haven't we?

In our breaking up with our exes. we found that after nostalgia and fear of being alone, the most common reason people don't move on from their exes is because of the intimacy. Since so many of us have made this horrible mistake, we logged onto the world of social media to see what lessons were learned from banging your ex, if anything at all.

Here are 7 truths about hooking up with your ex:

1. You realize it really is over.

Sometimes you need just one more night of passion so you can both figure out you're soulmates, you say? "It seemed like old times at first, but then afterward it was awkward. We had nothing to say to each other! We literally just talked about the weather," says Nicole, 33. "It was just really, REALLY over."

Lesson? You broke up for a reason.

2. Once a jerk, always a jerk.

Jo should have known better than to think her ex had changed, but apparently, she had to sleep with him again so she could relearn what she already knew. "I thought we were on the road to getting back together because sleeping together was so fun and comforting," says Jo, 31, "But you can't change someone, and he was still the same cheating jerk he was when we dated."

Lesson? People don't change, especially the worst ones.

3. You get to be the bad one for a change.

It's nice when the roles are reversed, especially if you're the one who had their heart broken, until you get a Stage Three Clinger, as Alexandre, 36, explains, "We slept together ONCE after we broke up, and next thing I knew she wouldn't leave me alone. She cheated, she broke up with me, and now this? I got to be the jerk in the scenario when I turned her down, but I realized I don't like being the jerk."

Lesson? Getting even only feels good if you're really a jerk.

4. You'll get more than just your heart broken.

Hey! He broke your heart? Maybe he should break some more stuff in your life, because, as Annie, 25, tells it, "He was so drunk. That was his excuse for, after we had been intimate (the last time EVER!), him getting up an hour later, breaking several wine glasses — accidentally — and trying to boil some broccoli. The next morning he didn't remember a thing and had no idea why there was a head of broccoli in an empty pot on my stove."

Lesson? Keep the delivery menus in an easily accessible place at all times.

5. It's harder to kick out an ex than a one-night stand.

Although many of us have mastered how to subtly get a one-night stand to high-tail it out of our place the next morning, it's not so easy when that person knows you and your habits.

As Jennie, 30, explains, "He knew that on Sunday morning I made myself breakfast, hung around my apartment until about 3 pm, then went to study or do work — I was in my last year of college. Sunday was MY day to be alone and do my thing, but because he knew this, he wouldn’t leave. I kept telling him that I had plans, but he just kept lying there in my bed smiling and laughing as I got angrier and angrier. Finally, after at least an hour of arguing, I got in the shower, got dressed, and went into town — on my lazy day! It was only when I demanded he leave because I was obviously leaving, that he left, too. Unfortunately, I'd make the same mistake a few months later, but on a Monday night, fortunately."

Lesson? If you need to get laid, opt for someone who's a stranger.

6. They may not be the person they once were.

Sometimes there are no answers in life, and even if there were, would you want to know them? However, Mandy, 36, would like to know.

"I took him home after his shift. (Yes, I went there specifically to take him home.) So, we were intimate, and it was a lot of fun! The next morning I left him in my bed and went to work. When I got home I noticed that pretty much all my non-perishable items in my kitchen, as well as my expensive pens — I love fancy pens — were gone. He STOLE them! Why? I DON’T KNOW AND I NEVER FOUND OUT."

Lesson? Never leave an ex alone in your apartment.

7. Your ex will probably always be a little jealous.

Nothing hath no fury like … well, you know the rest, and now so does Chris, 29.

"It had been almost a year since I slept with my ex. At some point in the night, I don’t know when she went through my phone and sent crazy texts pretending to be me to the last few women I'd texted because she thought I was sleeping with them. Yes, I was sleeping with, like, two of them, but it was a jerk move on her part, because we were, and still are, broken up."

7 Brutal Truths About Hooking Up With Your Ex