Enough With The Moping: Empower Yourself To Move On


How To Move On: Breakup & Divorce Advice
It's time to get it together.

"How can I live without him?" A question recycles itself over and over in my mind. The squeezing pain in my stomach is unbearable. The tears dug canals in my cheeks! For how long will I stay in this state?

Well, not so long. Going through a divorce or a break up is excruciating. It's the loss of hopes and dreams we've built together when our love was the propelling force to our conjugation.


I agree there are different things one could do to help move on, like this one on "10 Tips to Survive a Breakup" in Psychology Today, this article by Dr. Phil, or Huffington Post's take on the topic. All very helpful to follow. But, there is more! And with faster results!

Apply these three major rules to redefine "breakup", and moving on will take a totally different meaning.

1. Instant Physiology Shift:
When the emotions of pain and anger hit you, your whole physiology reacts by secreting excessive amounts of hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline that are damaging to your body in the long run. A new study conducted by Northwestern University and supported by The National Institute of Mental Health of the National Institute of Health shows that oxytocin, the love hormone, is two-faced. It fills you with love emotions and it strengthens bad memories that can increase fear and anxiety.

Your physiology means a ton when it comes to moving on. Do you remember this expression: "Pain is inevitable but suffering is a choice"? You can continue to suffer and let your body react to the damaging hormones by inhaling a gallon of chocolate fudge ice cream every night. That will definitely change your physiology: bigger hips and butts. Or here's the better choice: When you feel the pain in your guts, get up and do 20 jumping jacks! Don't wait to join an aerobics class; get up from the couch or bed and start jogging in place for ten minutes straight. Put your body in a state of absolute certainty that you will build for yourself a new healthy life that you've always envisioned. Change your physiology instantly to put yourself in a healthy state.

2. Revise Your Vocabulary:
What words and questions come to your mind when you feel the pain? Mine were: "I'm devastated!" Or "I'm hurting!" And "How can I live without him?" Words have energy! You say a word and you feel it in your body. Words are emotionally charged. Find different words with positive charges to enliven and stimulate your body instead of the negative words. Now mine are: "I'm enriched with the experience!", "I've enhanced my life by knowing him!", "I choose to be happy!", and/or "I've learned about him, and it gave me a new perspective about personalities!"

3. Redirect Your Attention:
What are you focusing on during your day? When you are in a state of hopelessness and helplessness, are you putting your attention on your loneliness or broken heart? Are you always remembering your times together and pulling out photos to reminisce? You do need the time to grieve and remember, but you have a life to live in the future. The past is ingrained in our soul and body. It's the collective experiences and emotions that made us who we are today. Taking from the past ideas and beautiful memories help our creativity to blossom into greater ideas to experience in the future. Direct your attention on drawing a vision of how you'll use your past great times together, not the painful ones. Project the lessons you've learned into the future creatively with others that will come along. Make that your new focus. It's not to repeat, but to take the venue that made you feel happy and be creative with it.

Following those three important rules to redefine your relationship after a breakup will truly thrust you into moving on with strength, power, and enthusiasm. What has empowered you to move on from a breakup? Leave a comment below!

More breakup advice from YourTango:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Amina Hedayat Khalil

Relationship Coach

Amina Hedayat Khalil, CPC, ELI-MP

Relationship and Strategic Intervention Coach and Wellness Consultant

Author of the forthcoming book Interpersonal Skills For Success

Email: amina@audereintelligence.com
Tel: +1(517)507-0550
Website: http://www.audereintelligence.com

"If you believe in what you do and you can really help people, then you have a moral obligation to try and bring it to as many people as possible." Chet Holmes

Location: East Lansing, MI
Credentials: BA, CPC, ELI-MP
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