Let it go: He belongs to someone else.
You have undoubtedly heard this sage bit of advice at various stages of your life: If it's not yours, don't touch it. Perhaps when you were a child, you were warned not to play with other kids' toys. Maybe you remembered this insight in college, as you crushed on your best friend's guy. But let's get real for a minute and talk about something else you should leave well enough alone, because it's not yours: your ex and all of the agony you're holding onto.
Out of the mouth of babes:
Last year my 22 year old cat died. It was very sad, and after I had finished mourning, I went on to investigate adopting another cat. I found lots of wonderful and a few not-so-wonderful cats and kittens. My toddler would pipe up with her two cents from time to time on the search, "Awww, that one's so cute. Can we have that one?" But every now and again, she would see a cat that she didn't find as endearing. Instead of saying that she didn't like it, or disparaging the cat in any way, she would simply state, "That's someone else's cat!"
There was no need for her to evaluate why it wasn't not the right one for her; the cat didn't need to be wrong or a stone cold bastard, and she didn't feel guilty for not wanting a perfectly good cat. She certainly didn't second-guess herself or her decision. See where I'm headed with this? Stay with me …
Back to you:
So you broke up with your ex. Maybe someone else caught your attention, then you realized the new guy was someone else's cat ... and now you regret giving up your ex. Perhaps he wasn't kind enough, funny enough, bad with money, or had bad breath. Whatever your reason for ending your relationship, be it major or minor, consider that some part of you knew he wasn't the one for you. Why waste another moment pondering the reasons he's not it? Why continue to vilify him to your mom and your hairdresser, your friends and his? You no longer need to justify your decision, even to yourself. Relax into knowing he is someone else's cat. He is not yours anymore, so leave him alone and pick up the pieces and move on.
What if your ex broke up with you? He figured out that he is someone else's cat before you did, and he was kind enough to clue you in on that very necessary tidbit of information. Why give him any more of your time with anger and envy?
Did he cheat on you? Even cheaters are worthy of love — and there are plenty of other people out there that are willing to love them, even though they are unfaithful. Is that you? Hmm … perhaps it's someone else. Maybe they are already with that someone else. But you're not with YOUR someone else. Stop focusing on why they're not your cat and start looking for your own. Keep reading...
More breakup advice from YourTango:
- Help! My Last Breakup Scarred Me For Life
- How To (Finally) Get Over Your Breakup And Move On
- Breakups & Divorce: Expert Advice & Survival Tips