Access Denied: 4 Valuable Lessons From Being Rejected

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Woman rejected at the bar
Key takeaways from the new age of rejection.

So the super cute guy that you met at a party last weekend has been texting you ever since, so he's definitely going to ask you to hang out soon … right? Or what about that really chill girl from the bar? She keeps bringing up the kind of stuff she likes to do, and has mentioned that you would really like her mom, so that must mean she's itching to make some solid plans and get to know you better. Except super cute guy does not make plans with you, and really chill girl's reply texts are becoming fewer and farther between. Welcome to the new age of rejection.

Long are the days when rejection meant standing someone up at the mall (remember when that happened on Full House?) At a time when our social media interaction is at an all time high, face-to-face interaction has become second rate, and thus, much more intimidating. People are so terrified by the prospect of running out of prospects that outright rejection has taken a backseat to the backburner, where said prospects wait collecting dust, just in case you ever change your mind about them.

Here, we uncover four red flags from this new realm of rejection, and why you should keep an eye out for them.

1. Social media mentions do not count as a conversation, no matter how conversational they may seem.
When it comes to social media and a prospective significant other, here are a few things that you have to bear in mind: that Instagram "like" was one of many during an early morning or late night scrolling sesh, and while that Facebook comment may seem like a public display of affection (duh, all 1,300 of your closest FB friends can see it!), it isn't.

"Whenever I was nervous about initiating a conversation with this guy I liked, I would always send him a Snapchat," said Julia. "He's a total narcissist, so I always know he'll respond to them … which sounds much more tragic when I say it out loud." But Julia isn't alone, and while Snapchat might get you laid, it probably isn't going to take you out to dinner.

2. Time is a valuable thing, and you are worthy of it.
Yes, work is important. Yes, friends are important. Yes … football is important? Watching a Sex And The City marathon is kind of important? Maybe? Probably not. "On a second date with a guy I was seeing, I met literally almost everybody in his day-to-day life," Michelle said. "We went to dinner and drinks with his roommates, followed by a work party where I met his co-workers and was introduced to his boss. So naturally, I felt things were going pretty well," she said. Because she had been the one making a repeated effort to see him, Michelle expected Jared to set aside some time for her when he was in her neighboring town over Thanksgiving weekend. "It's not like I expected to come over for Thanksgiving freaking dinner," she said. "I don’'t want to meet his parents, and I didn't want him meeting mine! I just wanted to get a coffee that didn't cost me 30 bucks [the commuting cost when she goes to visit him]. "I began to see myself making excuses for him, since I was so used to him making them for himself, when I realized that I'm worthy of time and effort, bottom line, and if he isn’t going to give it to me, I'm not going to wait around."

3. If he/she can't pick up the phone and actually speak to you, it's probably not going anywhere.
Take it from Justin Long.

4. He/she could be in the process of getting serious with someone else, but doesn't want to lose you as an option.
Just because you've already selected your entrée doesn't mean you have to skip over an appetizer, right? Wrong. But to many, the texting conversation has become so devoid of actual emotional attachment that it doesn't necessarily seem significant enough to be considered cheating behavior. I recently asked one of my best friends why she still texts other guys on the reg when she's been dating her boyfriend for over a year. The conversation ensued as follows:

Me: What would Sean think about you texting Hot Gym Guy?

Her: Who cares? It's not like I'm hanging out with him. I'm just texting him.

Me: Would you ever break up with Sean to date Hot Gym Guy?

Her: Ew, obviously not.

Me: Well, what if Hot Gym Guy starts to really like you and you break his buff little heart?

Her: Wait, is Homeland on today?

What have you learned from being rejected? Tell us in the comments below.

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