Relationship killer? Forgivable? Who does it more? Guys open up on infidelity.
Why do people turn to infidelity? Is it about sex? Being unhappy in a relationship? Truth is, there are tons of reasons why people are unfaithful to their significant others — and a new survey from VictoriaMilan.com found that 45 percent cheaters have an affair because their partners were glued to their phones. What?!
Regardless, it's the biggest relationship no-no in the book, but it happens more frequently than any of us would ever like. And whether you're the cheating or the cheating on, the end result is just as heart wrenching. There's a frustrating double-standard when it comes to infidelity and monogamy: We typically believe that men, when they're cheating on a woman, are doing so because their woman isn't there for them in the ways they need, giving them almost a free pass in the matter; while when a woman strays, it's because she's ungrateful and a slut.
So we polled the guys in our lives to see how they feel about cheating, which sex does it more often and if it's ever forgivable.
Forgive And Forget
"I cheated on my first girlfriend in college. It was a sh*tty thing to do," says Scott, 27, "but when I was that young I didn't really care about anyone else's feelings but my own. I'm not saying what I did was okay … when you're that young you just f*ck up a lot and learn as you go. It sucked to see how badly I was hurting her, and since we were in the same friends circle the wound never really healed for either of us. She said that she'd forgiven me, but since we were always together, it was impossible to forget."
"I've been cheated on twice," Cody, 28, says. "I'm like the posterboy for cheaters! It's a terrible feeling but at the same time, it's really liberating: You see clearly that, 'Okay, I do not want to be with this person who is so selfish they can't even break up with me before they disrespect me.' So you move on. I try to be the bigger person, most times, and forgive them. Then I cancel them from every social site I know of and swear to never see them again. I think it's harder for guys because we’re supposed to be these big, strong men who don't break down and don't get upset, but, uh, when to two different girls you love do that to you, guess what? You cry. I'm not still crying over it though," he adds with a laugh, "but the best thing for you is to make your peace with it and then move on."
Who Does It More?
"Gonna break a lot of hearts with this one," says Steve, 25, "but girls cheat more than guys. I have a ton of girl friends and they are always talking about seeing other dudes on the side. It's kinda surprising for me because you’d think that guys do it more — and maybe they do and they're just better about hiding it — but from the people I spend time with, you’d be shocked to hear how many girls are okay with cheating on their guy."
"Girls," says Dylan, a 21-year-old college student says, "are the worst in relationships. You'd never think that, right? Well, it's true. I think they've changed the game up on guys because I've never had so many friends be played by their girlfriends. I think that girls are cheating more because they’re tired of being the soft ones in the relationship."
"I'd say guys are still cheating more than girls, though I know of a lot more girls who've ran out on their men in recent years," says Joey, 31. "Men are still playing their women."
"My wife cheated on me nine months after we were married," says Jackson, 34, who adds that he is no longer married. "All of our friends were getting married and we'd been together for like five years so we were at the point where we were like, 'Okay, are we gonna do this or what?' Maybe we weren't ready. Maybe we were just trying to keep up with our friends. Maybe we didn't want to be that couple that wasn't 'ready' to get married yet. Guess what? We were that couple. I'm not excusing her actions; what she did was wrong and she broke my heart and disrespected me in a way I never thought possible. But from personal experience, I'd say women are cheating more often — and they're the first to be coy and innocent when it times to lay blame."
"Can I be the person that says both sexes are doing each other wrong? I don't think I know a handful of girls who've cheated or a handful of guys," says Matt, 29, "but I know enough people who've been hurt by both girl- and boyfriends, and it's nothing to be proud of."
It Is Okay To Cheat?
"I wanna say that the only time I'd ever be okay with my girlfriend cheating on me would be if it was Jay Z," Evan, 24, says with a laugh. "But even then I'd probably still dump her for playing me!"
"No," says Kyle, 30. "You don't cheat. You don't ever cheat and you don't ever think it's okay to cheat. If you're not happy, leave the person. If you think you can fix it, work on it. But cheating just makes you a sh*thead and it shows nothing but disrespect for the person you've hurt."
And I've got to admit, I wholeheartedly agree.