Heartbreak treats that won't actually break (or clog!) your heart.
Admit it, if you're an emotional eater like me the first thing you reach for after heartbreak is a totally-bad-for-you-but-you-don't-give-a-crap snack. Cookies. Chips. Ice cream sundaes smothered in chocolate sauce. Y' know, the good stuff. My heartbreak treat (ahem, drug) of choice? Strawberry milkshakes. And I'm not talking about the kind of shakes whipped up with skim milk and berries fresh from the farmer's market. I'm talking more like the kind you get at the drive-thru of Wendy's at two in the morning. (Please, don't anyone tell me the calorie count. I'm actively avoiding it.)
But you don't have to be like me. Going through heartbreak doesn't mean your stomach has to suffer! Instead of digging into your go-to comfort food, we're offering healthier guilt-free substitutes! (And we promise, they are just as yummy — if not yummier!)
Let's get real, you're not cooking tonight. You have too much on your breakup to-do list from rehearsing your last fight (and the witty zingers to burn him with) to texting your best friend about what a jerk he is (she's going to remind you he was always a jerk) and flaring up a bonfire of your ex's stuff (just kidding about the last one ... maybe). So you want to fall back on a drunk late-night eats classic from your college days: pizza. Yes, you could order from Dominoes and then guilt-trip yourself into a three-hour workout at the gym later OR you could bake these delish eggplant pizza slices. Yes, they require a little bit of cooking. But you essentially cut up an eggplant, top them with olive oil, garlic tomatoes and basil, and pop them in the oven for a half hour. Easy, right?
...or some other awkwardly-ironic mixed drink. Stop it. I see you ordering one at the bar as you shamelessly bat your lashes at the bartender and relay your sob story to some creep who slunk up beside you. This drink is going to be your one-way ticket to a one-night stand rebound. It's regret in a glass. C'mon, now. The hangover (and all of the even grosser you're bound to binge on later) is just so not worth it. But we know you want to drown your sorrows a little, so swap out those syrupy calorie-ridden cocktails for a slimmer glass of bubbly. A regular 4 oz glass has only 85 calories, 15 calories fewer than the same size glass of wine or beer.
I know, a bowl of this warm, gooey, pasta is often irresistible. And while it's tempting to give in to this carb monster and spend a dollar to buy eight boxes of Kraft (What? They were having a sale!), doing the ramen hustle is again a nice college throwback, but not so fun as a grownup. Something that's just as tasty and way less gross than a microwaved meal is this recipe for quinoa mac n' cheese.
Ben and Jerry: The kings of all breakup comfort foods, right? If I hear that "slippin' into a bathtub with my two boyfriends, Ben and Jerry" line (cue eyeroll) one more time, I am seriously going to have a conniption. Digging spoon-first into a pint of ice cream is still apparently the expected "sad single woman" thing to do, it's just such a boring cliche. Who wants to be a cliche? You are better than that, girlfriend. Skip the brain freeze and whip up a smoothie, like this banana ginger recipe.
You know that moment when you wake up in the morning in a blissful state of semi-consciousness, without remembering what happened the day before? Yeah, that moment is ten times worse after a breakup. You rub the sleep from your eyes and see the framed couple selfie photos thrown in a sad pile and think, "Oh yeah, that's right. I'm waking up alone." So you shuffle in your sweatpants down to Starbucks to order the venti-sized mocha with an extra dollop of whipped cream and chocolate powder (whatever judgmental barista, you have no shame). We know, you still need that cocoa craving satiated, so dip some berries in dark chocolate. Berries are a healthier way to satisfy your sweet tooth and in moderation, dark chocolate is actually good for you. Both are full of antioxidants, which help protect you from aging, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and heart disease. That's pretty sexy.