ProConnect

After Infidelity, The Art Of Forgiving Without Forgetting

By ,

After Infidelity, The Art Of Forgiving Without Forgetting
Forgiving your partner can be just plain hard.
Infidelity experts say that true forgiveness can be transformative and spiritually elevating.

The importance of forgiveness is often understated after infidelity strikes. YourTango Expert Monica Magnetti rightly points out that "The journey to recovery is multilayered. So many aspects of our personal lives are affected by the aftermath. At this point, the importance of forgiving without forgetting takes center stage, which can bring you to a new level of consciousness. The work of forgiveness has to be done whether you are standing on one side of the fence of infidelity or the other."

Both Magnetti and Rosemary De Faria, another YourTango expert, emphasize the transformative quality of forgiveness. As De Faria says, "Whether we are being forgiven or forgiving someone else, it is a process that offers the chance to look through compassionate eyes at ourselves and our partner."

More from YourTango: For Career & Life Satisfaction, Learn When To Say 'No'

From Monica Magnetti, here are four essential truths that can help us understand how compassion facilitates forgiveness, toward others and yourself: 

1. You are human. Embrace your humanness and remember that your imperfections make you perfect just as you are.

2. Others are also human. Know that everyone makes mistakes, even when we hold them—like often we hold ourselves—to too high standards.

3. Surrender is the key to living life to the fullest. Surrender to the fact that everything you do, or allow others to do to you, offers you learning and the opportunity to advance your spiritual journey.

4. Understand how you may be attracting infidelity into your life. We naturally prefer to blame others for something hurtful that we believe was done to us. And of course, being able to forgive is just plain hard. Even when we are deep in our own spiritual journey and stretched to our capacities, it takes a big person to embrace forgiving. When we take responsibility for our side of what happened, we are transformed from victim to conscious participant in our own life and spiritual journey.

From Rosemary De Faria, here are four tips on understanding and forgiveness:

1. Retribution is not the answer. The topic of forgiveness addresses a practice that for most of us requires conscious intention. When we have been wounded, we can easily go to a place of indignation and righteousness, holding on to grudges and seeking the "satisfaction" of some of form of retribution. In our broken hearts, we feel the answer is to hurt others as we have been hurt, but is this what we should be doing?

2. Understand your partner. In a partnership, when one person goes outside the relationship for what he or she feels is missing, there are huge issues around betrayal which can be devastating and from which many people feel there will be no coming back. This, however, does not have to be the case. People do all sorts of things for many reasons, most of which have to do with their own lack of self-awareness and self-love. These beliefs propel them into medicating themselves through "quick-fix" encounters, only to realize they are looking for some of what they already have.

3. Forgiveness is transformative. When the issue of infidelity does present itself, it can be an opening to a new way of being. Have you ever done something and regretted it and then apologized for it; not just mouthing the words, but truly meaning it from your heart? And after doing so, have you been blessed enough to receive someone's forgiveness? It is in a state of grace that this occurs, creating deep transformation and increased compassion for both parties. Having said this, I am not suggesting denying one's anger and hurt. This is a necessary part of the healing process. But don't let these feelings live "rent-free" inside of you. This is where most of us get stuck.

4. Understand your own history and your role in this. Find out what your part is about. Is this scenario one that repeats itself in your life? If so, it probably warrants looking into deeper. Whatever it is, you can forgive yourself for it. Once this is done, you may find there is still some life in this relationship, particularly if both of you are coming from a place of honesty and integrity. There are lessons to be learned here. 

More from YourTango: Say Less, Model More: How To Be A Better Parent

More infidelity advice from YourTango:

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Monica Magnetti

Business Coach

M o n i c a  M a g n e t t i   BFA/CPCC
The Get What You Want Coach
& Internet Brand Consulting Services
http://www.LunaCoaching.com

Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada
Credentials: CPCC
Advanced Member

Rosemary De Faria

Counselor/Therapist

Rosemary De Faria, LCSW

Distinct Therapeutics, Inc.

Monthly Reiki Circle

Upcoming Inner Child Workshop: for more details call 954-966-3446.

Location: Miami, FL
Credentials: EFT, LCSW, MSW
Other Articles/News by Monica Magnetti, Rosemary De Faria:

9 Tips For Navigating The Common Stages Of Divorce

By

Are you facing divorce? Design your own strategy for navigating the common stages of divorce. Are you facing divorce? Design your own strategy for navigating the common stages of divorce. Have you passed through all the stages of love and decided you're ready to end your relationship and surrender to divorce? Do you wonder what you'll go through and ... Read more

Blessings in Disguise, How I Healed from Cancer Without Chemo

By

January marked the five year anniversary of being diagnosed with breast cancer.  I look back on it all as if it were yesterday.  At 3:45 in the afternoon I received the call.  My doctor spoke the words no one wants to hear.  All I could distinguish were the words “cancer cells”.  The rest was a blur. You never know how ... Read more
Recent Expert Posts
Relationship Advice For Women: 5 Things That Turn Men Off

How To Lose A Guy In Ten Minutes: 5 Major Turn-Offs

If you want to impress a new guy, avoid these major turn-offs.

Sex Education: How Sex Ed Will Lower Birth Rates

Sex Education In South Carolina: How It Changed Their City

It's important that you're honest with your children.

Brain

Are We Wrong about Who We Are?

When Barbara Garcia's home was flattened by this month's tornado in Moore, Oklahoma, ...

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no timeā€¦

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS