There may be three books in the series, a movie in the works, and celebrities jumping at the chance to play the risqué literary couple—but you were there before pandemonium broke lose, back when Miss Anastasia Steele was still a virgin.
You've named your "inner goddess" so your Fifty Shades passion runs deep. Like grey steel colored deep and that is totally ok.
After all, every little girl dreams about meeting her [whip wheeling, dominating] prince charming and little boy about wooing the [non-disclosure contract signing] woman of his dreams.
Here's a list of signs that your obsession takes it to the next level—and you should probably be gagged and chained … happily:
You know what the E.L. in E.L. James stands for.
Hollywood is slow—you already cast Fifty Shades years ago. It really shouldn't take this long.
Because a 2014 release date is just too damn far away for you:
You sign emails "Laters, Baby":
When did you start buying so many grey clothes and nail polishes?
And biting your lip so much?
Your mom and aunts have all read the book—and are doing these things, too:
You fantasize about cruising around in a (free) Audi:
Silver balls. You get the reference.
Your room is painted red.
You've asked your partner if he owns a silver tie—just cause.
You wear pigtails more often now than when you were 7.
You eat breakfast every morning. Every morning.
And you hate vanilla.
You also immensely dislike all of your boyfriend's mother’s friends:
Becoming a writer was an obvious must-do career change. After all, anyone can do it, why not you?!
Speaking of, you're in the midst of writing a Fifty Shades of Grey fan fiction masterpiece.
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