Weird News: Kilts Make Men More Fertile, Not To Mention Awesomer

Richard Branson in a kilt
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The traditional Scottish man-skirt can keep a man's testicles nice and cool.

It's long been agreed upon by fertility specialists that you had to stay pretty cool to conceive. Hence uptight, upper-middle income couples have had to more frequently turn to science to cobble together a meet cute for his swim club and her egg casserole. But the coolness is of more than disposition. We've discovered that a fella's beanbag needs to stay Jimmy Kimmel* in order to produce decent sperm. And amongst the coolest way to keep a guy's testicles frosty is the kilt.

Per Daily Mail, Scottish researchers (duh) claim that a kilt is the best way to keep a lad's gonads approximately 5 degrees Fahrenheit cooler than the temperature you may find in his mouth. Research has generally shown that tight pants and form-fitting underpants can keep fertility draining heat locked in the groin and groinal suburbs. The obvious solution, evidently, is an open-air substitute without the hindrance of briefs, boxers or their bastard child, boxer briefs: AKA the kilt and tradition of kilting it up commando.

The study's author, Dr Erwin Kompanje, says, "Kilt wearing likely produces an ideal physiological scrotal environment." I was always under the impression that Panama City Beach was the ideal scrotal environment but he's a doctor and I'm an idiot. The study suggests that men begin wearing a free-flowing lower garment at least while attempting to produce a child. Likely after watching an AC/DC video featuring Angus Young, the survey also stated, "Research has shown that wearing a kilt gives a man a strong sense of masculinity and freedom. Many women are attracted to men in kilts."

Personally, I hope that eating dinner with our shirts off somehow increase men's fertility. While American men may not embrace kilts, local women should be more accepting of free-balling with mesh basketball shorts.

*Note: Jimmy Kimmel is slightly cooler than the average person.


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