I am going to share with you my thoughts on getting over divorce and dating after divorce. As my mentor, T. Harv Eker says, "Don't believe anything I say". And why is that? Because I can only speak from my experience. Nothing I am going to say here is right or wrong, true or false. However, I believe my experience can help you. After spending the majority of my adult life either dating or married to this man, and having two children with him, we divorced. The specifics of why are not important. In dealing with my divorce, I went through all the emotions - anger, hurt, sorrow, humiliation etc.. After many years, I reached acceptance. I had to accept that this is my life and move on. They say that going through divorce is like having someone close to you die. It is the death of a relationship. After all deaths you need time to grieve. It is natural, so take the time you need for this. In those years, I also spent a lot of time analyzing what happened, not to blame, but to learn. They say everyone is in your life for a reason, so what was the reason for him being in my life, and for only that amount of time? As the saying goes, it takes two to make it work and two to make it fail. I had some responsibility in this too. In my self-explorations I decided that there were things about myself that I wanted to change. Like my need to control. So I worked on correcting them by reading a lot of books and discussing with friends. I also needed to get over the feeling that "if he didn't want me than maybe nobody did". Each day was a little better as I grew into this "new and improved" person. Co-workers noticed a difference, as did friends and family. I was so busy coping with the divorce, working at my job and looking after my children that I was not the least bit interested, nor did I have the time, to date. Who wants to date someone that is still grieving, still an emotional wreck? And how many times have you heard the sad, pitiful story about when ex's only talk about their ex on a date! I didn't want to do that. I realized I needed to get myself in shape before anyone else would be interested in my shape! And if you don't know why the marriage didn't work, how will you know what you need to make another relationship work? Getting over divorce and arriving at the point where I was ready to date took 5 years. At first, it was exhilarating to see that somebody else DID want me! I was a dating maniac for a while and I was having a great time. I was comfortable with who I was and enjoying life. I learned to love myself and now I could really love someone else. And once I learned to stop being desperate for a relationship and let it happen naturally, he chased me down. Now I have someone to share my life with. So, as I said in the beginning of my story, people come into your life for a reason and for a time. If you are to have someone in your life after divorce, it will happen. You cannot control it; you cannot run after it. I am more content with myself and my life than I have ever been. This is my experience and I hope sharing it helps you. Getting over divorce takes time, is hard and can be a terrible time. It can also be a time of personal growth and a period of quality time with children, friends and family. And to help you move on emotionally and financially after divorce, I invite you to read and comment and share at: http://www.lifecontinuesafterdivorce.com. For those of you who are newly divorced and want to discover how easy it is to do a budget, I invite you to claim your Free 4 Day Email Mini-Course at: http://www.LifeContinuesAfterDivorce.com
Steve Harvey developed Delightful, an online dating service for women to make them "more dateable." Right. Because women are the problem, not men who have been divorced twice, married a woman with whom they cheated on their second spouse, and think mustaches are a good idea.
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