Sometimes love is a game of cat and mouse.
Dating is often a game of cat and mouse, but presumably, doesn't the mouse just give up and then you start looking for apartments together? This week, Cat (really, that's her name) wrote in to ask if it's normal for men to expect you to be in constant pursuit. She writes: "We hooked up for about 2 months and twice during that time he got upset for whatever reason (he plays the martyr bit, “you don’t have time for me”) and stopped talking to me without ever discussing it. Both times I “chased” him down wanting to resolve whatever the issue was. Now he has done it again, just stopped talking to me for no reason that I can determine. This went on for about a month until I ran into him again and then we started texting again this week. He kept saying he wanted to talk but he wouldn’t ever determine an actual time or place to get together. Now he has stopped talking to me AGAIN! Fourth time…"
Is this normal? Should she chase him...again?
I think that while it might be "normal" for some guys to want to be chased, this Cat needs to let this mouse go. He's clearly more interested in whining and being needy than he is in making you feel special and wanted. Being the pursuer is fun and definitely, go for what you want. But at some point, if the game of chase is one-sided, it's time to move on. I think when it comes to dating, "normal" is determined by what you let people get away with. If you establish a pattern where you're the one doing all the work, that's how things will shake down for you. Life and dating need balance.
What do you think? Do you think this is "normal"? Is this how the dating game is played? Should Cat keep chasing this guy or let him go?