Is This Normal? He Looks At Porn

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woman covering eyes
Sure, some guys look at porn, but is it normal?

Seventy percent of American men, ages 18-34, look at online porn. So, from a sheer numbers perspective, it seems that it is normal for guys to look at porn. But just because something is normal, does that make it okay?

That's the question brought up by one reader, who writes, "I looked at our browser history and it looks like my boyfriend is on porn sites almost every night after I go to bed. Should I be upset? I feel like him watching porn is a rejection of me. I mean, if he wants more sex, why can't he just ask? Why does he have to log onto porn sites after I go to bed. But my friends say that I'm crazy for taking it so personally. Is this normal?" Couples Who Watch Porn Together Are More Committed (Really?!)

Additionally, over on the AskYourTango forums Lisa George writes about finding porn on her husband's laptop history after he came back from an out of town work trip: "Any way, my husband always said hes not into porn, magazines and stuff like that. He says he don't want it and he don't need it. So, i was surprised to find all that porn. He said someone at the hotel desk must have hacked into his computer. He said he did not do it. I know guys are curious, guys are guys. I know he loves melike crazy, but i also know he loves a pretty women..."

Readers giving advice, suggest that this porn watching doesn't have to be the catastrophe that she thinks it is, noting, "However, are you really against him watching porn? Maybe its time for a conversation. It doesn't have to be an accusatory conversation, but bring it up - discuss how you feel about it/how he feels about it. Maybe he was just trying it out and/or trying to release some sexual tension. Men are visual beings, but maybe you could try it together!"

To Lisa, I say, no one at the hotel hacked his computer. That is just ridiculous. But to both women I say, a firm, I don't know. I am personally very uncomfortable with porn, I don't find it freeing or liberating. I find it repressive and harmful. But I know couples who, like the commenter above, disagree. Who am I to argue with their experience?

I suppose, in the end, what is normal is what you feel comfortable with and for both women, if you aren't comfortable with what your boyfriends' are doing talk to them. And if you can't agree on the topic, then it might be time to reassess the relationship. But whatever you do, don't agree to something that you find degrading just to preserve a relationship. No matter your stance on the porn issue, I think we can all agree that a healthy normal relationship involves mutual respect and understanding.

What do you think? Is it normal for guys to look at porn while they are in a relationship?

Do you eat hair? Does your partner have a special "pass the salt" song? Each week, YourTango will feature, someone, something or some habit from a relationship and asks the question: Is this normal? Feel free to weigh in with your comments or send us an email: normal@yourtango.com and we'll feature your relationship and dating foibles on our site. (Don't worry. You can be anonymous and so can your partner.)

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