Taking a chance on love.
I’ve always been one to follow my heart freely and openly--willing to dive head first into that oblivion we have too few words for, known obtusely as ‘love’--and it has taken me thousands of miles and to several continents, but at the end of each expedition the suffering is inevitable. It reminds me of a journey I took alone 15 years ago, hiking the Appalachian trail, except it was the beginning that had me questioning my choice and the end that left me unfettered by life’s afflictions. The first day of that journey after walking seven of the hardest miles of my life with an unbearable load on my back I wrote in my journal: “What in the hell am I doing here? Is this my way of doing penance in order to ease my guilty conscience? If so am I really that bad?” By the end of the journey I was passing 20 miles a day with ease and an indescribable joy and freedom that can only be characterized by the feeling you have when you are embroiled in the beginnings of love. And as I write this I think, is there a lesson there for me? Why didn’t I ever put this together before? Start out slow: we all start out with the weight of our past experiences: time and trust release the burden. Still, in our current world condition it is more than difficult to take it slow when love can make us forget the many obstructions to happiness and supply so much instant gratification. Can we have it both ways? Is it possible to have an impetuous beginning that grows into an even more passionate continuance? This is where my thinking gets muddled, because my natural impulse is to respond YES! My reason and experience tells me this is a tested theory that has hitherto failed, but in retrospect it doesn’t seem that way. Every heartache, every tear, has led to yet another wonderful life experience--and I would not give up any of them. I suppose I just concluded my argument to myself. Rationality is like ink on paper telling us what we should do but passion is the rock that covers all.
© Rhonda Schneider 2011