Baby Talk: In Our 40s, We're Still Not Sure If We Want Kids

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baby pacifier
How one career-oriented New York City couple weighs out the pros and cons of having kids.

I have been married almost four years now. For the most part, my relationship with my husband, Matt, who happens to be a matchmaker and dating coach, has pretty much been "in the public eye" in terms of our views regarding dating, marriage, love, how men think and how to handle a breakup. We have written books, appeared on television and given lots of advice. But perhaps the one area that we haven't had too much experience in dealing with: starting a family. Until recently that is.

In early August, a life-sized picture of me graced the front of the New York Post's Pulse section with an article titled, "We Say No To Babies and Yes To NYC: More City Women Are Taking A Pass On The Mommy Path." To be clear, I haven't said no to babies, I just haven't said yes. But, the article, the comments that followed and the time since have been filled with a conversation in our home that we had brushed aside perhaps once too often: will just the two of us be enough? 

 

The good news is, apparently we are not alone in our procreative uncertainty. The article quotes a study by the Pew Research Center in 2008, stating the number of women between 40 and 44 who've never given birth has increased by 80 percent since 1976. What it does not state is why. There are so many reasons why women don't have children, whether they are like me and have just not figured it out yet, or they cannot have children or they have not met the right partner. Finally, there is the group who just doesn't want kids. Is A Woman Selfish For Not Wanting Kids?

So, to baby or not to baby, that is the question we are now facing. And, perhaps like so many other couples, it's not an easy one. Our couple friends are split down the middle; half have children and the other half are dealing with the same questions we tackle: Should we? When should we? How many should we? What should we do if we can't? Should we tonight? And it's not just Matt and I who are wondering what we’re going to do on the kid issue. Family and friends—mostly friends—bombard us with questions about it, too, which seem to up the pressure. Why Couples May Not Want To Answer Your Babymaking Questions