Stop Arguing! 5 Tips For Happier, Healthier Conversations

You know those moments when you feel like you're having the same conversation (or argument) with someone over and over? Verbal Groundhog Day, in other words? Today it might be about the laundry and last week it was his mother. No matter the topic, the conversation almost always plays out the same way: it devolves to the point that you're not even sure what you were originally arguing about, leading both of you to feel frustrated and upset.

How does this happen? Usually it's because we are communicating in a mindless, automatic way. Rather than listening to him, asking how he feels, what he needs or is scared of, we simply react in the moment to what he is saying—even if it takes us down a path that has nothing to do with the real reason we are arguing. For example, say that while you are talking about where to spend the holidays, he makes a remark about your sister being too nosy and opinionated. If you're like most of us, your brain will latch on to that comment and before you know it, you are defending your sister rather than talking about the real reasons he doesn't want to go to your parents' house in December. If you were able to stop yourself from impulsively, emotionally reacting to that inane comment and instead refocused your attention on asking him why he really doesn't want to go, you might learn that he feels inadequate around your family or that he is scared his grandmother might not be around for the holidays next year. Why Women Fall Out Of Love

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