Listen up, ladies: if you want to get married, you need to stop being a shallow bitch and slut. At least that's what Mad Men writer Tracy McMillan has to say in the Huffington Post this week, and though she's not a relationship expert, she does know a thing or two about finding the one (or not finding the one), as she herself has been married three times.
McMillan, who writes that she was "born knowing how to get married," puts it simply: It's not men, it's you. She accuses women of getting in their own way and sounds off a list of the top six reasons single women still don't have a ring on their finger: they're a bitch, shallow, a slut, selfish, a liar or simply not good enough.
More from YourTango: Love Bytes: If His Parents Hate You, Should You Leave Him?
Don't take these reasons at face value, though. To McMillan, a woman who is "a bitch" is just a woman who is angry. The root of this anger, she says, can stem from anywhere starting with a woman's relationship with her mother to how she feels about Sarah Palin. Either way, it's unbecoming and terrifying to men. All they want is someone who is nice to them, which McMillan notes is unfair, but it's perfect practice for marriage, "since working around a man's fear and insecurity is big part of what you'll be doing as a wife." Why Some Women Need to be "Bitches" In the Bedroom
Case in point: "Here's what my son wants out of life: macaroni and cheese, a video game, and Kim Kardashian. Have you ever seen Kim Kardashian angry? I didn't think so. You've seen Kim Kardashian smile, wiggle, and make a sex tape." Ah, well, it's all clear now.
Another rule of thumb McMillan suggests for single women looking to get married: Stop having casual sex. Leave the late-night romps in hot tubs to the ladies of Jersey Shore, because casual sex almost never stays casual. Why? Because we get completely strung out on the bonding hormone released from having an orgasm: oxytocin. Oxytocin is to blame for those casual relationships you get so anxious about, even when the guy isn't that great. So in order to avoid this, work on being selective. Can Women Have Sex Like Men?
More from YourTango: A Fool-Proof Guide to Saying "I Love You" For The First Time
More Juicy Content From YourTango: