I'm in limbo with my relationship


Contributor
Love, Heartbreak

Me and my ex were inseperable for 6 years, we were crazy in love, lived together, tried on rings. We were part of each other's family, we considered ourselves a 'little practice family'. He found me when I was, more or less, homeless and kind of a loser. He invested in me, got me back on my feet, it was wonderful. I went back to college, got a full scholarship and have done phenomenally. We had planned to marry after college and went house shopping. So it's strange that I now find myself googling "how to get your boyfriend back" after everything we've been through.

About two years ago, things began to change, we were still in love, attached at the hip, but sex was gone. I would get upset every couple of months but he would say don't worry about it, it's fine. Then this last year things began to hit the skids, more arguing, more distance. This all sta rted when I began to withdraw alot to focus on school, and spent ALL my time working.

He bought me a ton of furniture, we redid my room, tried some things, nothing really seemed to help. Then, in October, we had a blowout after I found out he had been going to strip clubs, but ignoring me. He said it was just a work thing, but I was still upset. He went off like a bomb telling me I was disgusting, a piece of * * * * , and made fun of me crying. I was terrified because this wasn't him at all, he was a bit drunk too. Every day after that was constant yelling and screaming, he would tell me he needed time and space and if I can get it together and stop crying, maybe we could work it out. I couldn't, I was devestated by his treatment of me, and he requested I move out. He said he loved me veyr much but like I was his child, not his girlfriend. He was not attracted to me, but wanted to take care of me. The only way he saw to get things back on track was for me to leave. I was doubly devastated. I love my home, and my life with him, it was a million steps backwards.

This began to really get bad when I got an internship in Paris which I accepted. He was constantly angry and a few weeks before I left he began to pull away and say terrible things like 'Leave me alone, I never want to see you again. We will never be together.' and screaming 'Don't talk about our relatinship anymore!' On the day I left, he was an angel, helping me pack, being very sweet, telling me he loved me and maybe we could work it out and I could come home. He kissed me and said he would miss me and that I should have fun. He told me I should date, he didn't want to hear about it, I told him I didn't want him to find someone else-he said he had NO intentions of dating or hooking up.

So I left, and the first few days we called eachother alot, he was encouraging and sweet, but I was homesick and scared. Whenever I would cry he became a monster. He told me we could talk an ymore because he would get mad and I would cry and that I need to focus on myself, the last thing he did was send me an article on what makes an ideal marriage.

So, I have handled this HORRIBLY.. since then, I had tried frantically to speak to him. We haven't really spoken on the phone since my birthday, we doesn't answer. I kinduv became an inbox terrorist, trying to talk about us, what we could do, can we try again. Elaborate answers turned into very terse answers until recently, I found out, he has packed up my room and was buying a storage unit. He told me he wouldn't do this because it was so important to me, but did it anyways because he said this need to end. He begged for time and space and I, admittedly, did not give it to him and did not respect his wished, but I thought I knew him so well that couldn't be possible. I tried too hard, I was desperate and it pushed him away.

When this happened, I gave up, I felt hopeless and stop contacting him. Then my fr iend emailed me, sai dshe went to help pack and he was very stressed and emotional. He told her how much he loved me and cared about me, that he needs me to be strong and independent and get on my own two feet. She said that it felt like he just wanted to be alone, but very obviously loved me, but didn't have any plans for 'us' right now. She felt he was not emotionally available-but that he would be. She felt there was hope. His sister also told me that he said he missed me and that he didn't know what would happen in the future, but, today, this is how it is.

So after this, I sent him an email. I asked him, politely, if he would take some time to think about this before putting my stuf fin storage because it was my life and our life together. He was cold and said 'We do not live together. Leave me alone. You will be fine. Do not call me or email me.' I was confused and felt awful, I tried to convince him otherwise and ask him (since I'm coming back soon) about how he ha d said things might change when I come back. He said 'There is nothing to talk about, we are not together. We're done.' I feel he will not even let me come see him when I return. He is planning to pay for my car and insurance, help with rent and

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