7 Rules For Sending Lewd Pics, Lessons For Anthony Weiner

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anthony weiner
AKA Where Weiner went wrong.

As we're all fairly aware, a man with a hilariously ironic name was caught in a bit of a situation in which groin and chest photographs were Tweeted to various women, some of whom he clearly did not know. And before that a football hero allegendly* sent pics of his tony weiner to a woman who did not appreciate the gesture. Here's where Anthony Weiner (and Brett Favre) went wrong and how you can send photographs of your swimsuit zones without fear of recrimination (and only some humiliation). This is what the grownups call sexting.

1) Be sexy. For guys, tumescence is of the essence. The so-called Brett Favre picture featured a flaccid wang book-ended by Crocs. I'm not sure of a more clear way to tell a woman that you're completely uninterested in her sexually than the combination of tacky sandal thingies and soft dinghies. For the ladies, maintain your best level of grooming, don't get too close and show some body.
2) Measure twice, cut once. Be absolutely sure that you're sending your whatever to the right person — and not blasting it onto Twitter like Weiner. Your mom might have a great sense of humor about these things, but there will be many questions in the vein of "what kind of person are you?"
3) Don't send dick pics (or snatch snaps) to people who absolutely don't want them. I'm not an "expert" on "the law," but it sounds as illegal as it is a bad idea to marry a guy named Peterson**.
4) Don't show your face. Plausible deniability goes a very long way. Just because a sexy photograph came from your account or phone, it doesn't rule out that it came from Google Images, was a goof or was produced with some sort of genitalia-uglying PhotoShop program.

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