One writer defends Kim Kardashian's decision to marry just six months into dating Kris Humphries.
Now, I am an admitted cynic. I am the first to tell friends when they're just making excuses for their current flames or to assume a good first date was a fluke. Bottom line: I would have no problem calling out Ms. Kardashian for a less-than-wise dating decision, but I'm halting the criticism. Kim Kardashian Engaged To Kris Humphries
Maybe her relationship will fail. Maybe Kim and Kris will tie the knot and find out their marriage is not all red roses and getaways to Monaco and romantic dinner dates from coast to coast. Like YourTango Expert Carin Goldstein told me, "The question still remains, is she ultimately choosing the right guy to be her partner through thick and thin? The national divorce rate is still over 50 percent, which means that Kim needs to be honest with herself: Is Kris mature enough to be in an intimate, adult relationship and is he able to withstand the curve balls of marriage, family and life?"
Obviously, I don't know Kim personally, nor do I have a crystal ball to gaze into the future of her love life (wouldn't that be cool, though?). I can't tell you if her relationship with Kris is completely charmed or a big mistake. However, what I can tell you this: When I heard word of her engagement, I had one single thought—a very uncynical "Good for her." Surprised by my reaction? Let me explain.
I think all unhappily unhitched women can learn a lesson from Kim Kardashian: A lesson in decisive dating.
Set aside how you feel about her as a celebrity, or businesswoman, or a darling of the reality-television machine. Simply look at her dating history, which mimics plenty of real-life situations. 10 Dating "Deal-Breakers" That Really Aren't
After her first marriage failed, Kim still believed in the power of long-term commitment. But for most of her 20s, Kim fell into the trap so many of us young, successful, intelligent ladies fall into: She tried to change her boyfriend. She waited around and hoped he'd magically see the light, because eventually he'd want to say, "I do." Right?
I wish love worked that way, but it never does.
Kim dated NFL-star Reggie Bush, a guy she said she could envision herself being married to, for more than three years. Reggie never made such matrimonial claims. But Kim kept at it, breaking up and making up over and over again. She saw one sister get married, another sister have a baby, and deep down, Kim probably couldn't stand it. It's hard seeing your close family and friends get what you want, knowing you're still far from the ideal ending. And finding someone new? It means going back out into the dating scene, opening yourself up to more hurt and driving yourself farther away from vows and babies. That's downright scary. So instead of facing that reality, Kim went running back to Reggie and a relationship that just wasn't satisfying. Advice: Does Mr. Right Exist? [VIDEO]
Now, it's perfectly OK to be with someone and take marriage off the table—as long as you're fine knowing wedded bliss isn't on the horizon. But Kim wasn't fine. Like YourTango Expert Julie Spira said. In a relationship, you need to determine you "have the same values and goals, spend a lot of time together, and know exactly what you want." But the harsh reality, for Kim and all of us? "There's no point in her dating a man who isn't interested in marriage and children if that is her goal."
I give Kim a lot of credit for breaking up with Reggie last year. I give her props for cutting ties and moving on after spending increasingly close to a half-decade in her relationship, and while also inching closer to that dreaded age-30 mark. I think Kim would tell you it was the right move. She'd probably tell you she thanks her lucky stars daily that she listened to her inner voice, and that she'd still be stuck feeling partly empty if she hadn't. 3 Breakup Lessons From Celebrities
The moment she sat down, fleshed it out and decided what she wanted, truly, she got it.
Kim dated again—guys like Miles Austin and Gabriel Aubry—but not for long this time, just long enough to know it wasn't going to work long-term. Then, she moved on. She dated decisively, until she found the guy who was everything she wanted, and who also wanted everything she wanted. Whirlwind? Maybe. But I'm still impressed.
Too many women wait around, like Kim did with Reggie Bush, hoping their guys will suddenly want to marry them. I know a few girls in half-decade relationships who are still waiting, still hoping. And then I know other couples who got engaged after just a few months, married soon after, and they're blissfully happy (like my mom and dad, together nearly thirty years and still going strong). When it's right, you just know. And I happen to firmly believe there isn't a guy on the planet who wouldn't marry a woman he was positive was The One. (If you meet that man, let me know. I'd genuinely love to have a chat with him.)
The right guy is out there for every single girl, but only if she's willing to let Mr. Almost-Right go and find her better match. I think that's what we can learn from Kim.
There comes a point in time when you have to look at the bigger picture and ask yourself: What do I want, really? The guy I'm with now who isn't so into exchanging vows, or the marriage, kids, and house-with-white-picket-fence-style Happily Ever After?
It's up to you to decide.