What He's Really Thinking About During Sex

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man thinking sex woman
Ever wonder what a man's internal monologue sounds like while getting it on? Well, wonder no more.
Oh yeah, I’m about to have sex. What time is it? Big hand is on "LAID," little hand is on "ME." This is going to be awesome. Breath: minty! Pits: spicy! Boxers: fresh! Give her the Han Solo smirk. Squint, seductively. Remember that the eyes are like the mouths of the pants. Tell her what she needs to know just by looking at her: I’m about to let the dawgs of freaky push it, pu-push it real good. Buckle up, lucky lady, you’ve got a first class ticket on the rocket of love. The Frisky: How Not To Respond When Your Partner Doesn't Hit The Big O

And … exhale.

Don’t act desperate. Wipe palm sweat on pants. Subtly! That’s right. Act like this happens all the time. Wait. Don’t do that. She’s a special, precious flower made out of butterfly wings. Just don’t act like this hasn’t happened in six months. Be cool. A Zen pimp with root beer float in his veins. This is all whatever. Yawn. I don’t care. I do care! The Frisky: 5 Celebs Who Tied The Knot In Weird Wedding Attire

I can’t believe a chick this hot ... get a grip! She’s about to kiss you. Lean, don’t lurch. Don’t drool, slurp, or mouth breathe. Lips are not bubble gum. Oh, hot Jehosophat, this is the jam! Touch her face. Follow her lead. Lapping is not kissing. That’s right, champ! Now … slowly … hand on boob. Hand on mother-spelunking boob. Her tongue is making me drunk, like I just chugged a pint of cough syrup. The Frisky: Girl Talk: My Ladyparts Hurt Why Women Like Kissing During Foreplay [VIDEO]

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission from the author.

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