4 Ways to Know It's Safe to Trust Again After the Affair


4 Ways to Know It's Safe to Trust Again After the Affair
Infidelity can wreck relationship trust. Find out the signs that it's safe to trust again.

We'll be honest here...

There is no 100% guarantee that your partner will not cheat again. There is no 100% guarantee that you two will stay together. At the same time, there is no guarantee that your partner WILL cheat again (or at all). There is no guarantee that you two will break up either.


That's the thing about life and relationships. They can be nearly impossible to predict.

It's probable that, when you fell in love with your partner and you two started your relationship, you would not have guessed that he or she would have an affair. Maybe you had your concerns and worries, but it's highly likely that you did not think your love would cheat.

Yet, he or she did.

Now, if you have decided to try to rebuild trust and repair your relationship, your mind might be overrun with fears that your partner will break your heart by cheating again. These fears are understandable and they can also stand in the way of you being able to do what it takes to help put your relationship back on track.

It's a real quandary.

You don't want to be lied to and hurt by infidelity ever again and so you get cautious and tentative. This cautiousness can hold you back from opening up to the healing and growth that's necessary to save your relationship.

It can feel like one step forward and many steps back all of the time.

It would be great if there was some absolutely reliable way to know-- without a doubt-- that your partner is actually telling you the truth now and that he or she has really changed.

But there's not.

However, you can be wise and aware and, at the same time, begin to consciously let go of your tentativeness and holding yourself back. You can pay close attention to signs in your partner, yourself and your relationship that help you make the best decisions about your future.

Look for these 4 indicators that relationship trust is building and healing...

#1: Communication is more open than closed.
Healthy communication is key to any relationship-- especially one that is rebuilding after an affair. Go within yourself and remember a time (in the past or more recently) when you felt relaxed, at ease and as if you and your partner were really listening to one another.

Next, think about a time when you two were rigidly set in your own points of view and it seemed that neither of you was really hearing the other.

These are examples of being open and being closed. It's important that you know how each way of communicating feels so that when you're talking with your partner and you feel more open than usual and he or she seems more open to you, you can notice it.

As you realize those mostly open moments-- they might only last for short periods of time-- recognize what you were doing, how you were speaking and what words you were using. Invite yourself to use those words and speak or act in those ways that promote openness the next time you and your partner talk.

#2: There is more transparency.
Transparency generally happens when the one who cheated gives full access to his or her partner. This means that there are no secrets. E-mail, phone messages, any private accounts of any sort are available to the partner.

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