As you well know, Charlie Sheen is an American treasure... a treasure trove of bon mots, bemused narcissism and can't-look/can't-look-away schadenfreude. He's given us many cringe-worthy, eyebrow-raising, slowly nodding despite ourselves moments of entertainment. That's because the Sheen machine is the gift that keeps on giving. In that vein, here's what the Two And A Half Men meltdown has taught me about breakups.
1. Don't act like a jerk to get the other person to break up with you. Sheen, by all accounts, did his job, but the sideshows and constant demands for a raise were a little like a dude coming home smelling like stripper and constantly asking for anal.
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2. Do decide that you're better off without whomever. Though Charlie Sheen is going to wind up around $20 million lighter in the wallet, he's decided that he's #winning. When you realize that the man of your dreams was kind of a dink, had halitosis and wore cargo shorts with bowling shirts daily, of course you're happier to be gone. Breakups In Person Keep Dating Civil, Experts Say
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3. Don't trash your ex in public. Sheen has been raking the producers over the coals, and making various passive threats involving fire-breathing tigers, trolls, naval fighter jets and Martian rock and roll stars. Telling anyone who will listen that your old flame is a cheapskate and vaguely menacing them is not a great way to convince the next person that you're not the problem.
4. Do wish your ex the best in finding a replacement for you even if you're not completely sincere. Charlie Sheen seems okay with a Rob Lowe or a John Stamos taking his job. Imagine your ex-boyfriend telling you that he would be cool with you dating Rob Lowe or John Stamos next. Good luck!