What Confuses Us About How Men Fight


couple fighting
We just don't get the way men argue.

Men. Who can understand them? Not me. The thing about men I understand the least is how they fight. I literally feel like I'm speaking another language when I'm arguing with my dude. Are we talking about the same thing? Did we have the same conversation? Wait, are we even on the same planet? That's when I feel like that men are from Mars, women are from Venus BS might have some truth to it.

Things we don't understand about how men argue—and sweeping gender generalizations!


1. Sometimes men just don't want to talk. It's an old saw that men don't see the point of discussing a problem unless there is something they can do immediately to solve it. I have certainly seen that to be true in my own life, both with male friends and boyfriends. The thing I will never understand about men until the day I die is why some of them struggle to understand that talking about a problem very often makes the problem go away. A lot of women feel better after an uncomfortable conversation, not worse. Yet, a lot of guys think talking is "doing nothing" and that if there's nothing he can "do," there's no point dwelling on the matter. But she may not need him to take action. In fact, she is a big girl and can solve the problem herself. She just wants someone to lean on, a shoulder to cry on, or someone to bounce ideas off of. If there is one piece of advice I could give to men the world over it would be: learn to listen. The Frisky: Having Relationship Problems? Trying Talking Less

2. Sometimes, a woman's tears really scare a man and/or make him defensive. One of the most messed-up things about how our culture socializes boys is that they are taught it's not OK to cry. Crying is seen as a sign of weakness. I know men do cry—or at the very least, tear up during Up— but I've never seen a man (other than Rep. John Boehner) be as openly tearful as your average woman. As a result, it's my opinion that men don't always know what to do when they see tears. Some seem scared by tears, like she's a vat of nuclear waste overflowing. Others seem to get defensive, like tears are bullets hurled at them. Tears are neither. They are just tears and they just represent sadness, frustration, humiliation or anger. That's all.

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