If you’re still pinning for a man who has long since moved on with his life and a new love, it may be what you believe about a previous relationship that’s keeping you stuck. These insights will allow you to look at the break up from a more empowering perspective which may just be the key to finally letting go of your ex once and for all and establishing a more gratifying relationship of your own.
1. You never consciously made the choice to let go of the relationship.
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Whether you are consciously aware of it or not, on some level you may have played more of a part in wanting the relationship to end then you realize. If you were experiencing inner conflict or turmoil about the relationship that you aren’t addressing consciously, you subconsciously contributed to a chain of events that lead to the dismantling of that situation.
Even if you didn’t consciously initiate the breakup, coming to the realization that you played a part in moving this relationship out of your life is very empowering when you recognize that there was a part of you that wasn’t willing to accept or continue to tolerate an unhealthy or undesirable situation.
2. You believe that he is having the wonderful relationship that you and he were meant to have with someone else.
As the old adage goes, “we always think the grass is greener on the other side.” If you want insight about what’s really happening in his current relationship, simply recall the dynamics that played out with you and other people in his life when you and he were together.
Was there a pattern of conflict in his primary relationships? If his relationships with friends, family members and past girlfriends were often fraught with drama and generally tended to be problematic, then it's a pretty safe bet that those same dynamics are playing out in his current relationship. If this is the case, realize than him moving out of your life was actually a blessing.
3. Your ego is in the way – Let’s face it, no one likes the idea of rejection. Your motivation for wanting him back may be more about soothing a bruised ego. If you believe that getting him back will validate you in some way then it may be a self esteem issue that needs to be addressed.
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4. You believe you'll never be able to have the relationship you truly want with anyone else.
If you were anticipating having a long-term commitment with someone that has ended, you not only have to let go of that person, you also have to let go of the life you intended to create with that person as well. If you subsequently operate from such beliefs as “he is only one for me,” or you feel that you just can’t live without him, this is an indication that that there was an unhealthy attachment to the relationship. Maybe the lessons you needed to learn from this relationship were detachment and going with flow.