Working as a sex therapist is a fascinating career. It is intense work, talking about the intimate aspects of people’s lives every day. People ask me if I get depressed, hearing about people’s problems. I can understand why people would ask that question, but the truth is, it is much more depressing for me to be around people who need help and aren’t getting it, than to be with people who are reaching out and getting the assistance they need. I also find that I learn a tremendous amount about life, working so intimately with others.
These are just a few lessons I have learned from my clients over the years:
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1. Sexual problems are not one person’s issue. Often people come to sex therapy believing that they, or their partner, have a sexual problem that needs to be fixed. It takes two to tango. Sexual concerns are an amalgam of two people’s sexual connection – their unique struggles, challenges and concerns. For example, a woman’s low libido may be the result of her own disconnection with her body, coupled with her partner’s lack of tenderness. A man’s lack of excitement can be the result of his overwhelming anxiety coupled with his wife’s coldness and lack of empathy. The take home message: If you or your partner have a sexual concern, it’s probably fueled by both of you. How to Meet the Right Partner
2. We get more when we focus on giving rather than receiving. This isn’t just talk, this is reality. Giving forces us to open our hearts and bodies. In that open place, we are able to feel and thus receive more. Plus, when we give, our partner becomes more motivated to give to us. It’s a beautiful feedback loop that you can initiate at any time. Try thinking about why you love your partner before you make love to them. Then focus on offering them this love through the way you touch them, the way you look at them, and the way you speak to them. Gifting them with your love will result in your being gifted in return. Were We Born to Be Monogamous?