Playing Games Can Be Good For Your Relationship


Games aren't always about winning. They can be about learning too, as Tokii showed us.

Let's face it—men like to play games. In fact, 15 percent of divorcees say their ex-husbands made video games a priority over their relationship. Nowadays, most women have lost one-on-one time to the game console at least once. But Tokii has tapped into man's love of sport and competition to actually help foster communication in your relationship (why didn't Nintendo think of that?).

It's not ordinarily the best idea to pit two lovers against each other in a fight (reminds me too much of The Hunger Games), but when it comes to Tokii DiscoveryGames, competition can be a win-win situation (even though my long-distance boyfriend is the loser most of the time!).


Each DiscoveryGame is a test to see how well you know your mate. So you and partner both log onto Tokii, then answer each question for yourself and for your guy (like the Newlywed Game). At the end you get points for the responses you guessed right about him. One of our favorites is the "add a thought" feature because we can add commentary to our game. At the end couples can share an "Aha" moment with emoticons included ("I didn't know you were a musical savant").

Another great feature is the free info at the bottom of every question, so you can get jokes, research and quotes on every topic. For example, did you know that 80 percent of people reach orgasm when they have sex with their socks on, but only 50 percent without? (Note to self: bring extra socks for our next visit.) You also get the statistics on how the Tokii community answered questions. Fifty-six percent of women and 53 percent of men don't ask for what they want in their relationship because they are afraid of what their partner will do or say.

We have played games in all the various categories from parenting and politics to travel and the environment. But our favorites tell a lot about this stage of our relationship. Obviously we are trying to find ways to feel close with so many miles between us (intimacy and love games are our top two categories). But we are also looking to the future to find our similarities and differences on crucial topics (friends, family and spirituality). Each question can be a conversation starter. Here are some conversations we have had:

- When it comes to the bedroom, these games are better than the latest issue of Cosmo to get into your guy's head. Turns out my boyfriend thinks fantasizing about others is cheating, wants to join the mile-high club one day, and is willing to try handcuffs in the bedroom.

- Religion can be a big deal in relationships. Even though my partner and I are both Christians, he is more devout. In his own words: "How important are my religious beliefs to me?—They are everything!" What does this mean for our future kids? If it is up to me they will never set foot in the local Catholic school, but he has other plans.

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