Relationship Expert Warns: Why Your Relationships Only Last 3 Months
You might be pushing people away or shutting them down without even meaning to.
curated lifestyle | Unsplash Do you feel like you're always hitting the 3-date or 3-month mark and boom your relationship crashes and burns? You scratch your head and wonder why this keeps happening every time you go out on a date.
Relationship Coach and YourTango expert LiYana Silver is here to explain why you might encounter this problem repeatedly and offers a couple of suggestions to help change.
Here's why your relationships only last 3 months:
1. You unintentionally send signals that repel people
Everyone says you are a catch, but your relationships don't last very long before they break up with you, ghost you, or "don't have time" to see you. What's going on? Well, you might be pushing people away or shutting them down without even meaning it.
The Open Psychology Journal supports how your attitude and intention on the date can attract or repel the person you are interested in even if you aren't aware of the signals you send.
Before you blame it all on the people you've been dating, it's imperative to find out if your behavior is the reason why the relationship ends before it even begins.
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2. You're too hard to please
Being hard to please can show up as coldness, meanness, expectation, blame, or disappointment in the tone of your voice or words. The initial stages of building a relationship is a critical time when we get to know the other person, as supported by the Handbook of Communication and Social Interaction Skills.
When you appear to be difficult to satisfy, many people will take it as a sign of an unappealing relationship road ahead.
3. You're hypercritical
Being hypercritical by pointing out ways they didn't do things well or could have done them better is a good way to send anyone going the other way, much less the person you are dating. Criticism can often include pointing out ways they are less of a person because you expect them to read your mind.
Of course, they can't know your wants and expectations without communication, so when you get upset about it, they are often left clueless as to why. Research on perception-partner ideals backs up how this can make them feel less than interested in pursuing more.
Here are 2 ways to make your relationships last longer than 3 months:
1. Have a good time.
Enjoy yourself and enjoy them, put your attention on what you're enjoying, such as the feel of the air against your skin or the delicious meal you're enjoying, and whatever they said that moved you or made an impression on you, something you have curiosity about, or something they did where they went out of their way to make the time special.
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2. Speak up for what you want.
When you want something different, try this sentence, "What I would love is..." For example, you could say, "What I would love to walk by the water instead of straight through downtown. It's just such a beautiful summer night, and I love that," or "You know what I would love, instead of going where you suggested, let's go to that new little restaurant on 4th Ave, I've been dying to try it."
Enjoy yourself, and the person you are with will feel like they are doing it right. Ask for what you want in a way that is inviting, that's a woman anyone wants to keep being around.
Check out the video above for advice on how to approach dating differently and with an open mind.
LiYana Silver, CHC, RYT, MaNLP, is a relationship expert, master coach, and advocate for switched-on women worldwide. She maintains a private practice as a relationship coach and speaks nationally.