Relationship experts offer their go-to hot spots for single moms looking for love.
Now that I think about it, in my pre-marriage and BC (before children) life, I never had to try very hard to meet men. I would just go about my regular professional and social life and men would be there. Voila!... Plenty of boyfriends. And eventually a husband.
But now that I'm divorced and a single mother, I don't have much of a social life. Finding quality, eligible men feels more like a pipe dream. Meanwhile, my expectations and standards for a potential boyfriend are much higher now that I have children. And at my age I have a low tolerance for losers.
To make matters worse, I'm self employed. I'm not in a career where I can meet people in offices, at lunchtime restaurants, or at after-work events. It's a pretty insular existence. And with the high price of babysitters, it takes a heck of a lot for me to leave the house. One disappointing night is instant justification to not bother again.
In need of a dating pick-me-up, I turned to a few experts for some pointers on where single moms should go to meet suitable men. Let's face it, as mothers, we don't have the time or patience for dead ends. We need hot spots that can land us some hot results.
The first stop on my fact finding mission was Delaine Moore, a divorce and dating coach and founder of www.IamDivorcedNotDead.com. She shared her three top picks:
1. Online. "With over 50 million people now online dating, there's no excuse not to be a part of the action! You can multitask and scope for dates, all from the privacy of your home. This one was my saving grace," says Moore. There are sites specifically aimed at parents, she adds. Score! Except I haven’t warmed up to online dating. Call me old school or call me scared, but I’m just not ready to go there.
2. A Golf store or the driving range. “Trust me on this one, men galore,” she says. I could get on board with this one. I prefer one-on-one interaction, and with a few You Tube videos I can be golf conversant in a few hours.
3. Get set up. Ask everyone you know for set-ups—not just your friends and family, but acquaintances, too. Moore says most people know hundreds of people but only ask those three or five people in their closest circle for a set up. Think broader, she says, and don’t be shy.
Feeling more empowered, my next stop was Lori Edelson, a psychotherapist specializing in couples therapy in the metro Detroit area. Edelson has been advising men, women and couples for over 30 years. She suggested that I hit the gourmet market or a grocery store’s prepared food department. Apparently Monday night is a good night to see what handsome piece of “meat” might be picking up a pre-cooked chicken. Worth a try, since I’m probably going there anyway. Just have to add some lipstick to my coupon folder.
Dog parks at lunch time (shouldn’t he be at work?) or on weekends are also good picks, Edelson said. And if you’re willing to shell out a few bucks, Eldelson suggests looking into dinner meetings for singles like the “Eight at Eight” Dinner Club. Eight at Eight is a dating service (available in New York, Chicago, Atlanta and Washington, DC) that selects a mix of four single women and four single men matched by age, interests, and background to meet for dinner.
But what if all four single women like the same guy? Been there. Done that. Or all the guys like only one of us? … And it’s not me? Sounds like a risky set up for potential rejection, and I like my rejection FREE thank you very much. I may look into a dinner meeting eventually, but I think I’ll try the golf range and ask around more for referrals first. Keep you posted.
Written by Kimberly Seals Allers for Lifetime Moms.