Is it better to fantasize about celebs or about the men you already know?
Picture these men: Zak Bagans from "Ghost Adventures", Charlie Hunnam from "Sons of Anarchy" and Alex O'Hanlon from "Hawaii Five-O". All three are sexy as hell, incredibly built, covered in tattoos and can, if need be, kick some serious ass. They are also waaaaay out of my reach.
Don't get me wrong; that doesn't stop me from dreaming of licking the every inch of ink to be seen on them, but come on. I am a woman of the 21st century and I know my limits. The day one of these men show up on my front step begging me for sex is the same day I win the lottery, end world hunger, and find the cure for cancer. And, I guarantee, my first thought would not be dragging them into my bedroom. My first thought would be, "Oh my God, I forgot to shave my legs this morning!" How embarrassing...and realistic.
Sound familiar? We all have a list of attractive celebs with whom we'd love to hit the sheets. These lists illustrate perfection in our eyes, the ones who, if we could have tailor-made mates, we would create to fulfill our wildest desires. But, that is not how the real world works.
We like to fantasize about famous men falling for us regular women just as we are, but we know they won't. The celebrity male, such as Matt Damon or Kenny Chesney, who falls for one of the normal girls is rare, and even then, we question the likelihood of such a relationship lasting. I admit that, much as I would love to have a shot at my Hollywood dream men, they are not available for me. I have to be more realistic, even in my fantasies.
Does this mean I have to settle for less that perfect since I am not a celeb? No, it doesn't. It just means I have to create a sex list of men that I know personally and that I would feel confident enough to sleep with. They may still be a little on the unattainable side for whatever reason (they're married, gay, whatever), but let's face it, the "forbidden fruit" angle can be wildly powerful and it can boost our egos to think we could land something close to our ideas of perfection.
To give an example, I have three men on my local sex list that I not only know personally, but I know sex with them could have happened in the right settings. There's C, a soldier who is eleven years younger than me. He's got that whole tattooed, kicking ass, built thing going on, but he does it all in uniform! That alone makes me start wondering about how well he takes orders.
Then there's P, who is a sexy computer geek with startling blue eyes and a brilliant smile. I would love to play with his hardware all night long and he knows it. Finally, there's J who is as close to Charlie Hunnam that I'll ever get in real life and the sight of J makes me horny on sight. All three can get me going in mere seconds, all three have expressed interest in the past, but why have I not slept with any of them? It's simple, really. They're all in committed relationships with other women. I don't do the homewrecking thing, so I would never have sex with them.
Do I still fantasize about them? You better believe it. Many relationship experts would say that my interest in them is unhealthy; that I'm waiting for the unlikely to happen and, therefore, not opening myself up to men who are available. I argue otherwise. How is my harmless fantasizing about men I already know all that different from fantasizing about celebrities? I already know where I stand with them and there's no pressure. I don't have to be airbrushed and starving to get their attention. I can be myself and fantasize about myself as I am. I am not perfect, they are not perfect, and that's OK. We are who we are. So, even if Zak Bagans shows up at my house, I think I'd rather have C, P, or J simply because they know me and they like me anyway.
As women, we can find many men around us who might typify our ideal, but they are not as intimidating as celebs - they are attainable; they are available and, maybe, just maybe, they are interested in us too. A list of men we know and like in the real world can help to find confidence, to know that there are men out there who would want us as much as we want them. If nothing else, it gives a really good idea of what we want most in prospective partners, even if they are not Hollywood stars. In order to find happiness, we have to find acceptance within ourselves, and, I believe, the first step to doing this is accepting that humans are flawed; therefore, the ideal partner is the one who finds perfection in imperfection. So go ahead and remind yourself of the guy from college you would have killed for one night with - no matter how you've changed, your ability to be yourself, regardless of your faults, is always going to make you shine!