The Chelsea Lately funnywoman explains what it was like to be a twentysomething-year-old virgin.
Writer, comedian, actress and Chelsea Lately roundtable fixture, Heather McDonald is schooled at finding the funny when discussing the ins-and-outs of sex and love—even though she was technically a virgin until the ripe old age of 27. But McDonald certainly dated plenty and spun her non-sordid tales into gold with her hilarious New York Times Bestseller, You'll Never Blue Ball In This Town Again. She took some time to chat with us and revealed why she refrained from cashing in her v-card, what inspired her to finally do the deed, and how she knew her hubby was the one.
YourTango: Your book, You'll Never Blue Ball In This Town Again, is mostly comprised of your dating stories as a twentysomething-year-old virgin, but you don't get too deep into what held you back.
Heather McDonald: I just felt that none of the guys were really in love with me. I went on a lot of bad dates and thought, "if I could get a joke out of one it would be worth it." But I thought if I slept with this or that person and they never called me again, I'd be really, really bummed. Sleeping With A Virgin: What It's Really Like
What finally inspired you to take the proverbial plunge?
When I finally did [have sex], I was such in a good place and with someone who I knew was a good person. By that point, I didn't care. I was like, "Let's just do this!" A lot of people who wait to lose their virginity plunge into a slutty period after, but I didn't. I thought I'm not going to change who I am and start sleeping with people, because it's just not what I do. I've only slept with three people!
When I met my husband, I turned him down several times because I wanted to make sure he really liked me, and he did. I don't feel like I've missed out on anything—we still have a good sex life and my husband's really cute, so I'm happy.
Where'd you meet your hubby?
There was a guy I dated once who ended up catering a TV show I was working on. We were friends and he told me all about [my now husband] Peter, saying I should meet him. He was such a flake—it took us months to finally meet! Eventually, we went to the same party and immediately Peter came over and introduced himself. It was like a scene in a movie—I saw his face and his smile and knew he was the one.
I'll bet are a lot of 20-something-year-old virgins out there who are completely psyched that someone cool came forward with an honest take on their love life.
At first people were telling me the Christians were going to love me, but that's not the lesson I'm sharing. I'm saying it's important to respect yourself and wait for the right person, but there's no abstinence message or anything like that. In the end it all worked out and I don't regret any choices, but sometimes I would curse my virginity.
When Chelsea [Handler]'s book, My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands came out, I was married, but reading it I thought, "See? If I slept with a bunch of people, maybe I'd have a book deal." I really did think that! But then I thought that I have funny stories too, they just don't end in penetration. The point is you just have to find your voice and not think that just because someone else is doing well, you have to do what they do. Be yourself and it will all fall into place. 15 Signs You're Meant To Be
When you're a comedian, naturally your spouse will become fodder for your material at some point. How does your husband feel about it?
I completely married the right person for my profession. Over time, my husband's become a bigger part of the act. He was just on Chelsea Lately. He has never been offended by anything I've ever said. He's never said "don't take that gig" or "don't go out to dinner with your friends."
What's your favorite romantic movie? Favorite love song?
When Harry Met Sally and "It Had To Be You" from the movie.
What's the best gift you've ever received from your husband?
Mirrored closet doors. Our first home was an old '50s house and our bedroom was so small. All I wanted was mirrored closet doors and he surprised me with them. He's really handy and I like that.
What's one of the best compliments you've ever received from a significant other?
That's a really hard one. My husband says I'm a good mother. But he doesn't really overly compliment me.
Do you believe in love at first sight, and if so, has it happened to you?
Yes—with my husband! I saw his face and his smile and I knew he was the one.
Give me a Relationship DO and a relationship DON'T.
For girls looking for a long-term relationship, DO go on the dates. If you're married, DO have hotel sex.
DON'T bring up important things when your partner is tired. It's so old fashioned, but the best time to bring up stuff is when you're having a good time.
What's the best relationship advice that you have ever received?
Right before I was married, I was on this show and a hairdresser said, "Compliment your man because if you don't, someone else will. Don't assume you don't have to stroke that ego anymore." I thought that was pretty good.
If you could time travel, what love advice would you give your younger self?
I would say love will happen, so don't be nervous. If a guy doesn't respond to you, it has nothing to do with what you wore or what you said. They are doing you a favor by not calling you.
Lightening round! Fill In The Blank:
The most important quality in a significant other is _____.
A sense of humor. They have to be able to laugh things off. And an even temper. My dad was a yeller, so I wanted someone even keel.
I'm a sucker for a man/woman who can _____.
Fix things and reads directions. I hate any kind of manual so when I found Peter was great at this stuff, I knew it was a great match.
I feel sexiest when _____.
People are into me. When you look good at a party and you're with your husband/boyfriend/whatever.
Yes Or No:
It's OK to go to sleep angry.
It's not okay but I've done it.
Kissing is the most romantic physical activity.
Everyone has exactly one soul mate.
No, because I don't think it's fair to say. People lose their spouses and get married again. Life is long and there could be several.
It's OK to keep a few secrets from your spouse.
Yes but whenever I do, I end up spilling them eventually. It's usually a little thing I knew would bug him but I always end up telling.
Photo Credit: INF.