Time for the yearly Pap smear, the HIV test, and the general overall screening. Oh joy! You know what I'm talking about, the day when your legs are in the stirrups and no matter how good or bad you've been, you wonder if your vagina is going to put you on the naughty or nice list. I walk in, doing the usual walk of feigned confidence, knowing I am a proud, condom using, adventurous, sexually sassy woman... and then I moan and groan as I write up my sexual history. I wonder if anyone I slept with cheated, how many times a condom broke throughout my life, how the number of partners add up as the years increase... yikes! This is getting a little intimidating. I don't don't these test lightly. I am the woman friends come to about STI's. I have friends with HIV, AIDS, and Hep C, not to mention the more mundane. It's a part of life, and something I've seen. It has made me a very aware and cautious, but has also made me compassionate. I know that sex comes with risk, so every year, no matter how careful I think my partner(s) have been I get checked. I don't settle for the basic check either, I go for herpes, chlamydia, gonorrhea,HPV, syphilis, hep, and hiv. I want to know. I need to know.
Anyways, back to my stirrups. I get naked, I am naked on the table with the white paper gown and the nurses and the doc between my legs and she has me open, then she says the last thing I expect, "Everything down there looks beautiful. You have a beautiful vagina"
WHAT! WAIT! I HAVE A BEAUTIFUL VAGINA!
I literally got the biggest smile on my face.
"Really? Thank you!"
I finished my screening. I left. I walked around all day.. just happy. All I wanted to think about was that a woman who sees vaginas all day said I have a beautiful vagina.Not the landscaping, not the labia. My vagina. My deep inner ME! I am sure she meant it in a clinical manner, but I was taking it! I was claiming it. I have a beautiful vagina. I am reveling in my vagina now. I am embracing my vagina. I am loving my vagina.
I want to thank that doctor.. I want to smile for weeks! I am writing a note to myself, reminding myself that no matter how I feel, I have a beautiful vagina. I almost wish I could have tape recorded the statement, had it on a loop to give to prospective lovers! I know.. silly, but strange how, the most awkward of moments can really make a huge positive impact.
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