Community: Stop Being Nice, Get A Man

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woman grabbing man's tie

Maybe what they say is true, if you love someone set them free. If they come back, they're yours. If they don't, they were never gonna be. I believe the deep friendship Mr. Hot-and-Cold and I had is why we were capable of bouncing back, but it's not why we did. I started to be myself again. To put it plainly, I became unpredictable... and that changed everything.

Letting him go was the best move I ever made. Better than trying to look cute or cater to his ego. While I agreed we could stay friends after he passed on having a relationship, I didn't think it would actually happen. I figured we would—at the most—be casual acquaintances. So I went back to my life, backed away so I could heal. That's the first thing that got his attention. In less than a week he was messaging me and trying to get our friendship back to where it was. Suggesting things to do together. I ignored him. Only agreed to show up to things we had already set up with mutual friends prior to the let down. Taking A Step Back Brought Us Closer Together

When we did get some one-on-one time, suddenly he was the one trying to please me. Bringing up topics he knew I would like (catering to my ego) and being more attentive than before. My first thought: maybe he changed his mind. Made a mistake. Wrong. He didn't. Or he would have said so. But there was something up. One friend said I was being delusional and should go back and read, "He's Just Not That Into You." She's big on tough love. So I was skimming it in Barnes&Noble when I happened to come across "Why Men Love Bitches." What hooked me was the first line on the back cover, "Do you feel like you are too nice?" It was like a light bulb went off because I couldn't stop wondering why did I get rejected after all I did to make this guy happy. Now I know.

I think every girl should read this book for herself so I won't give too much away, but the biggest lesson I learned was that while I was so busy pleasing him, I went from the girl who attracted him to his mother. Dependable. Eager to please. I lost my voice. My opinions. Myself. I stopped challenging him. What's worse is I became predictable. That's like watching a movie and knowing exactly how it's gonna turn out based on the trailer. What's the point? How To Make Guys Want You

Since I knew distance was already having an impact, I decided to see if being myself again, as the book suggested, would go anywhere. To say it worked like a charm is putting it mildly. Not having a complete hold on me has turned him into me. Frustrated and eager to please. Like just last night I thanked someone for their assistance and not him and he wigged out. Where's my kudos? I was trying not to laugh. Now you are desperate for my attention when you could have had it free and clear if you had just said yes.

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