Community: Stop Being Nice, Get A Man

Maybe what they say is true, if you love someone set them free. If they come back, they're yours. If they don't, they were never gonna be. I believe the deep friendship Mr. Hot-and-Cold and I had is why we were capable of bouncing back, but it's not why we did. I started to be myself again. To put it plainly, I became unpredictable... and that changed everything.

Letting him go was the best move I ever made. Better than trying to look cute or cater to his ego. While I agreed we could stay friends after he passed on having a relationship, I didn't think it would actually happen. I figured we would—at the most—be casual acquaintances. So I went back to my life, backed away so I could heal. That's the first thing that got his attention. In less than a week he was messaging me and trying to get our friendship back to where it was. Suggesting things to do together. I ignored him. Only agreed to show up to things we had already set up with mutual friends prior to the let down. Taking A Step Back Brought Us Closer Together

More from YourTango: 5 Beauty Picks That'll Last You All Of Memorial Day Weekend

When we did get some one-on-one time, suddenly he was the one trying to please me. Bringing up topics he knew I would like (catering to my ego) and being more attentive than before. My first thought: maybe he changed his mind. Made a mistake. Wrong. He didn't. Or he would have said so. But there was something up. One friend said I was being delusional and should go back and read, "He's Just Not That Into You." She's big on tough love. So I was skimming it in Barnes&Noble when I happened to come across "Why Men Love Bitches." What hooked me was the first line on the back cover, "Do you feel like you are too nice?" It was like a light bulb went off because I couldn't stop wondering why did I get rejected after all I did to make this guy happy. Now I know.

More from YourTango: 5 Shocking Ways Stress Can Ruin Your Love Life

I think every girl should read this book for herself so I won't give too much away, but the biggest lesson I learned was that while I was so busy pleasing him, I went from the girl who attracted him to his mother. Dependable. Eager to please. I lost my voice. My opinions. Myself. I stopped challenging him. What's worse is I became predictable. That's like watching a movie and knowing exactly how it's gonna turn out based on the trailer. What's the point? How To Make Guys Want You

Since I knew distance was already having an impact, I decided to see if being myself again, as the book suggested, would go anywhere. To say it worked like a charm is putting it mildly. Not having a complete hold on me has turned him into me. Frustrated and eager to please. Like just last night I thanked someone for their assistance and not him and he wigged out. Where's my kudos? I was trying not to laugh. Now you are desperate for my attention when you could have had it free and clear if you had just said yes.