Though you've now been told for about the 37th time that, "it's not you; it's me," we're thinking it's time to consider the fact that it might, in fact, be you. And no, we're not insinuating that he broke up with you because of the way your hair frizzes up in the summer, or because you're always leaving Cheez-it crumbs in bed, or even because you sexted his mom by accident. No. What's really weighing you down, and effing up your love life, is all that emotional baggage.
Trust us. We've been there. And no, we're not projecting. Though on the list of the 5 ways you can tell you have emotional baggage, number one is...
1. You're projecting. Those with baggage can oftentimes be riddled with self-doubt. What makes this self-doubt even worse is that, as you see the worst in yourself, you also begin assuming the same of others. If, for example, you're on a first date and feeling wary and quick to judge, you might automatically assume that your date is judging you just as harshly. This, in turn, could make you defensive. Way to kill the buzz before you've even shared your first toast, right? If you're experiencing negative feelings about the person you're with, ask yourself where these feeling are coming from. Could it be that you're making unfounded assumptions?
2. You're paranoid. We don't blame you for being a bit suspicious about infidelity, especially if you've been burned in the past. But in order for a relationship to work, you have to trust each other. If you don't fully trust him—or even if you do, and are just being cautious—your paranoia can manifest itself in some extremely unattractive ways: clinginess, neediness, breaches in privacy... (No, we don't condone e-snooping of any kind.) No man (or woman, for that matter) wants to feel as if he's under constant surveillance, especially if he did absolutely nothing to betray your trust. So keep your suspicions in check, unless he's done something that's actually worth worrying about. Poll: Have You Snooped On His Email?