I tossed my last pack of birth control pills into the garbage and carefully lined up bottles of prenatal vitamins and folic acid pills. "So, are we officially trying now?" my husband Michael asked.
"Not yet," I said, even though I was itching to get started. But...
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Public knowledge indicates that there is never a perfect time to get pregnant. There will always be bills. Lack of space. Job instability. Michael and I figured that we could at least plan for nearly perfect. So, for the past three years, we held off. We waited for our careers to take off and become more lucrative. We waited to feel more secure in our marriage (my chronic depression and PMDD used to have me trying to divorce the poor man almost monthly). We waited to build up some more savings, so that we could upgrade from our one-bedroom condo to a three-bedroom house. When's the Best Time to Start a Family?
Now, we are both at a point where were love the work we do. We've come out of the economic recession with new careers and steadily increasing salaries. We have enough money for a down payment on a house and we plan to place our condo on the market within the month.
But things keep popping up. Things that keep me from "officially trying." Things like the cruise through French wine country that we are thinking of taking, and the fact that I wanted to go hang gliding before my 30th birthday. Things that are not wise to do while pregnant. But won't things like this always be popping up? Is it finally time for me to put pregnancy first, and say a temporary sayonara to wine tastings and extreme sports? Confession: I Was A Reluctant Mother
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We're waiting to see about that wine cruise, but otherwise I can safely say we're ready. When it comes to deciding that it's time to get pregnant, the decision can't hinge on you and your biological clock alone. Here are the three big things to consider as a couple before trying to conceive:
I entered into marriage not feeling sure that I'd made the right decision. I've since realized that you can never be 100 percent sure about anything, and that—no matter how in love you are—a strong, stable and loving marriage will not always be a sun-dappled walk in the park. I'm pretty sure, however, that I love my husband, and I'm also pretty sure he'd make an amazing father. It wouldn't have made sense (or been fair) to have kids when I was still living with one foot out the door, getting caught up in the same major arguments every month. And children should never be used as a Band-Aid for your marriage, no matter how much you want them. After seeing a marital therapist together, and learning how to communicate more effectively, we finally feel that we're in it for the long haul, and that our marriage is strong and stable enough for the addition of a child. How to Get a Man to Therapy or Coaching