These men are tempting, but dating them might feel right for the wrong reasons.
Ever wonder why you date men that seem perfect—only to find out they're completely wrong for you? If you keep falling for that sexy man in a suit (your boss) or the one you were crazy to let get away (your ex), perhaps your feelings aren't for the individuals at all—you're hooked on the setting. Love is all about right place, right time. Or when it comes to the following men, wrong place, wrong time.
"We often confuse love with danger and infatuation," explains Sherry Amatenstein, relationship expert and author of The Complete Marriage Counselor. "When we set ourselves up for situations that are certain to fail we can say, 'Whoops, another relationship didn’t work out' and not blame ourselves." In actuality, however, this failure was a result of our poor choices.
The next time you find yourself Facebook-stalking any of the following, Amatenstein advises that you ask yourself if you're really just hot for someone completely unattainable. Because unrequited love is the last thing any of us needs.
Your Roommate's Boyfriend
You know it's naughty. But there's something kind of fun about changing from sweats to hotpants every time he's over. He's flirting with you, so what's the harm in flirting back?
"This is all about the allure of what we can't have," agrees Amatenstein. Your roommate's boyfriend—or anyone in a relationship with someone you know—may be hotter than Robert Pattinson, but moving in on someone else's territory, especially when the two of you live in close quarters, is not only dangerous for your heart, but also for your home. If you move forward with this relationship, you risk turning your home life into a living hell. You have a lot to lose, and all you're gaining is a guy with pretty questionable morals.
Danger rating: Medium. Remember, it isn't just about you and him. It's also about destroying your relationship with your roommate. Plus, "if he cheats on his present girlfriend," says Amatenstein, "won't he do it to you, too?"
We've all been there: you're on your fourth online date with someone who clearly stopped hitting the gym after his profile picture was taken. With rose-colored glasses firmly in place, your thoughts turn to your ex. Cue the montage of happy moments set to "The Way We Were"…
"We're supposed to learn the lesson of putting our hand in the fire and getting burnt, and yet every time we hope for a different result," says Amatenstein. In these moments, it's important to remember the lengthy list of reasons you broke up in the first place.
Danger rating: Medium/High. Many couples do rekindle the romance after a breakup. Occasionally, the time apart is just what you need to appreciate what you had. "But unless you deal with the reasons you broke up, the second, third or fourth time around will be even harder," warns Amatenstein. 5 Definitive Reasons Not To Get Back With Your Ex
Seeing people excel at what they do is attractive. And that's not limited to rock stars and surgeons: even the perfect spreadsheet can be impressive. Especially if the spreadsheet's creator is hot, a nice guy and, OK, your boss or other authority figure. "This is about the allure of power," acknowledges Amatenstein. "It's hot but, if it doesn't work out, he may want you gone."
If you feel like the office is getting lot sexier lately, then you're in good company. According to an ELLE/MSNBC survey of over 30,000 people, nine in 10 would consider dating someone from work, and nearly half admitted to engaging in some type of sexual tryst while on the job. A lot of people do meet their partners at work, so furtive glances over the water cooler could end in white dresses and wedding bells. But be careful when considering an affair with someone higher up on the totem pole. 10 Things Not To Say To A Co-Worker Crush
Danger rating: Low/Medium. As long as the feeling is mutual, there's no reason not to pursue this relationship outside of office hours. But be careful. Do you really want to be looking for another job in this economic climate?
Your Best Friend
A strong friendship should exist at the foundation of every romantic relationship, so hooking up with your best friend isn't a completely crazy notion. "Your best friend is someone who accepts you inside out," says Amatenstein. "There can be a temptation to make it something more." But if you've been great friends for five years, ask yourself—why hasn't it already happened? Chemistry is usually undeniable.
Danger rating: High. Unless you're sure that your buddy feels the same way, you could run the risk of ruining a beautiful friendship. But if you're determined to test the waters, and feel as if you've received some positive signs, go for it. Otherwise, you may always be left wondering "what if." And if your friendship is strong enough, you should be able to move past any awkwardness if he doesn't feel the same way.
Your Vacation Romance
You're leaving on a jet plane, don't know when you'll be back again, and then bam! Suddenly, your last-minute fling has morphed into big-time love. Planning for or being on a vacation puts you in an adventurous and impulsive mood: perfect for romance. Because you initially get into it thinking that there's a set expiration date, you're less critical of the other person's flaws.
Danger rating: Low/Medium. This could turn out to be either a fond memory or the start of something major. But as Amatenstein warns, "there's no real loyalty to a meaningful relationship here, because you've just met." There's nothing to stop you from keeping in touch; just don't get too heartbroken if you stop connecting after a few months apart—and don't let your fling stop you from embracing your new local digs (and men!).