Three years ago, when I first started dating after divorce, I felt like I’d arrived on another planet. Not just cause I had no idea how to date again, but because it quickly became apparent that a new ‘phenomena’ had come to town since I’d last visited: Young Men Were Seeking Older Women. And oh yeah - their holsters were full! Dating, Sex and the Older Woman
If you’re anything like I was back then, you may frown and tsk tsk at the mere thought of dating or even meeting with a younger man. God knows I had “rules” – and lots of them. After all, good, decent women of a ‘certain age’ should only date mature, stable men of a ‘certain age.’ Right?
But combine hormonal surges with temptations and opportunities (and ok, maybe a couple of drinks), and low and behold my Old Rule Book got rewritten. Not burnt – just revised, with a special-edition chapter devoted to self-exploration with the Young Man Kind.
So for those you adjusting to singlehood or sitting on the fence of ‘could I? should I?,’ here are a few pointers of wisdom and encouragement from a responsible mom AND sexual being who belly laughed her way onto the ‘dark side’ a few times:
1) Don’t act surprised when he shows interest in you. Whether he’s staring at you in a bar, buying you drinks, or emailing you on dating sites, his interest in you, believe it or not, is not unusual or freaky in today’s day in age. So don’t act all aghast. He’s serious and he’s playing a card. Play it cool.
2) Don’t think of youreslf as being the lucky one – HE is! Yes, on a superficial level, it might be an ego rub for the older woman, but c’mon, how many younger men only DREAM of being with an older woman? He not only reaps the rewards of your divine company and intelligent conversation, he gains access to learning new skills in the love-making department. What young man doesn’t want that? Besides, do you remember how immature and fickle you were as a young woman? Some men are genuinely sick of dealing with such games. Is It Time To Free Your Cougar?
3) Own your decision and let your inner vixen shine - stretch marks, c-section scars, cellulite and all. He’s about to be devoured by an older woman – do you REALLY think he cares how your triceps compare to those of an 18 year old’s?
4) If you fall into bed right away, don’t be too quick to assume it was a one-nighter only. If you both really enjoyed it, why not make it ongoing, if not a friends with benefits scenario? Think of it this way: two weeks after your rendezvous when you’re all reved up again, what sounds more appealing – Pink Bugsy Boy in the drawer or a lovely, eager, flesh and blood young man?
5) Don’t assume Cupid isn't on stand-by. Sure, lots of younger men may be too immature for serious relationship consideration, but they aren't made from a cookie cutter, some ARE mature and more so even than men your age. Just keep the ‘options’ door open, even if just a crack.
6) Though the age difference might be staggering to you, when you get him back to your place, do not offer to make him a snack and treat him like he’s five. He’s not looking at you in a ‘motherly‘ way, so for gosh sake, don’t act like one!
Written by Delaine Moore for Divorced Women Online
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