Why you should think twice before telling everyone how bad your ex was in bed.
Last Friday, Kate Major confirmed Hailey Glassman's claim that Jon Gosselin has a small package. In an interview with Life & Style magazine, Kate said, "I'm surprised he's so 'cocky' because down there he's definitely not." Supposedly, the former rivals are now pals, having laughed together over Jon's genital shortcomings.
We're not convinced that Hailey and Kate 2.0 are the winners here. Jon might be "hung like a 9-year-old boy," as Hailey so eloquently put it, but she and Ms. Major were the ones who took that three-inch wonder for a ride. Before you trash-talk a former flame, remember that the people you've dated reflects on you and your ability to pick a partner. That being said, here are our tips for (not) dissing your ex: White People Like Painful Breakups
1. Don't make fun of his "weird" body functions or health-related issues. It's one thing to mention your ex's peanut allergy in relation to being careful about cooking his meals; it's another to arbitrarily ridicule his irritable bowel syndrome or mild back acne. Did those things really factor into your breakup? Turning your ex into an extended gross-out joke turns you into a bully. Also, avoid mentioning his history of STDs. People will assume you have them too. He Said, She Said: Getting Revenge On An Ex
2. Don't get hung up on his annoying personality quirks. His tendency to correct people. His unhealthy fixation on Aqua Teen Hunger Force. His moth phobia. There are a billion little things that drive us crazy about a guy, but people might wonder why you're still complaining when you don't have to deal with them anymore. Annoying Habits Can Ruin Relationships
3. Keep his personal stories to yourself. His most embarrassing moments, his parents' divorce, his mild dyslexia, and the DUI he got in high school may have been hard for him to share at one point. While your obligations to him as a girlfriend are null, your responsibility as a confidante remains.
4. No name-calling. We've all privately dubbed an ex "McStupid," "spawn of Satan," or simply, "&^%$#%$@-er," but referring to him by those things out loud makes you look bitter and immature. If you really must vent about him being the devil's offspring, take the Writing-101 method and recount a story that "shows" his character without having to explicitly "tell" it.
5. Speaking of stories, edit them. You don't always need to make your ex and that person's various faults the focus of a story. Once you're done with the initial post-breakup grieving period, reduce bitter anecdotes to passing references—for instance, if you hated your ex's habit of checking himself out in the mirror, go ahead and (briefly) mention it, but within larger a conversation about preening or narcissism. 5 Ways To Enjoy Your Post-Breakup Misery
6. Limit your audience. Instead of going the Lindsay Lohan route and blabbing about your ex all over Twitter, reserve the venting for when you're around a few trusted friends. Not only will they be less likely to judge you, but they will lovingly call you out when your emotions start to go overboard. Plus, if your ex got wind that you were bad-mouthing him, he might do the same out of spite. And for the love of God, never diss an ex in front of a potential new boyfriend. He'll get ideas about you, and we can guarantee that they won't be good for your love life. What Men Think When You Bring Up An Ex
Readers, we're asking you: Is there a classy way to trash-talk your ex?