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Rekindling An Old Flame?

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Thanks to social networking sites like Facebook, reuniting with a long lost love is becoming more and more common.  As a woman who re-dated a man I married after several years apart, I confess to being part of this growing trend.  However, most “rekindlers” as experts call them, are folks who get together after decades apart.

Re-dating an old flame can initially feel more comfortable than getting to know someone new but depending on how long you dated, how well you knew one another and the intensity of the past romance there could be a highly charged emotional outcome.  Unlike a new relationship, old issues could begin to surface.  If the break-up was caused by deception or cheating, it’s often hard to move on.  If the separation was due to a change in distance, parental disapproval or during childhood, the chances of a successful reunion are better.  If you recently rekindled with an old love and want it to last, follow these tips so that you both have a chance at making it work out the second time around.

Out with the old
After the initial excitement of reconnecting wears off, don’t begin overanalyzing the past mistakes or reasons for the break-up.  If he cheated on you when you were 17, it doesn’t mean that he’ll do it again at 37.  If her father didn’t like you when you were in college, maybe he won’t feel that way today.  It could have been the fact that he wanted his daughter to finish school and explore the world before she got married.  No matter what the past situation, start fresh, and approach the reunion with the same outlook as you would a new relationship.  You owe each other that much if you’ve decided to give it another go. 

Danger of “I know you”
Ken and Eve met during their first year of college and dated for three years.  When they re-met in their late forties, they discussed old memories as if they still knew one another in the same way.  “Ken loves having his friends over to watch the Miami Dolphin games but he’s unmotivated about cleaning up the after party mess.”  Ken remembered that Eve was dedicated to her three-mile walks everyday and her fitness routine took precedent over their time together.  These patterns took place long ago but each of the ex’s was still convinced they knew the other person’s likes and dislikes.  Although some of what they remember about one another could still be true 25 years later, people change a lot over the course of their life.  Throw away your preconceived thoughts about who the other person is and enjoy taking the time to get to know them again. 

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