I’m getting a divorce. Time to hit eHarmony!
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I’ve heard this so many times from people I’ve met and even from people in my divorce care class I help facilitate.
This is the WORST thing a person can do. You need time to heal properly, to rediscover who you are, and have something healthy to offer in your next relationship. It takes time and can be a lonely process; however, it is needed if you don’t want to end up hurt again.
When you become married, you really become one person. You are now two hearts that came together as one to share your joys, your sorrows, your beliefs, and a vision of the future you have together. Somewhere in that mix you lose your own individual identity.
So now you find yourself divorced or separated. There’s a deep identity crises which takes place. You find yourself asking, “Who am I now?” And it’s a valid question. When your relationship ends your very soul tears from each other; it isn’t a neat line that leaves both parties a whole person.
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It’s a jagged, uneven tear leaving you with parts of each other. Your heart and mind have to sort out which part is you and which part is from your spouse. Then you have to find your old identity or even create a new one. Until this process of knowing who you are is complete, you have no business dating another person. You’ll only end up taking the dirty laundry of the last relationship and its problems with you into the new one.
You need to find who you are because you want to know what kind of relationship you really want and you certainly don't want to repeat the last one.